Epi 62:

[00:00:00 - 00:02:00] Welcome to Stop the Burnout

Welcome to Stop the Burnout, a podcast for veterinary professionals who love medicine but are exhausted by the people pressure, expectations, and the constant mental load that comes with it. If you've ever thought, "I shouldn't feel this drained doing something I care about," you're not alone, and you're definitely not broken.

I'm Dr. Amber Parks, a veterinarian turned stress and burnout coach, and here we talk about the stuff that no one taught us, like how to actually break the stress and burnout patterns once and for all, and how to stay in this profession without losing yourself. You won't find bubble bath, toxic positivity, or self-care fluff pretending to be the solution here.

Let's get into it.

Welcome back to another episode of Stop the Burnout. So recently, I was... You know when you call, make phone calls where you have to talk to, like, this is, like, in your personal life, and you have to call maybe an insurance company or a bank or whatever adulting thing you have to do, and you dread it, right?

Because it's so painful because especially in this day and age, you'll either get an AI person that you, for whatever reason, this always happens to me, I'm like, "You're not gonna help me. I know you can't help me. I have to ask you this one thing that you are not gonna know." And every time, so you gotta do the whole thing, then finally, maybe after 10 minutes, you can talk to a human who probably doesn't know the answer.

Anyway, I just had to deal with that. But it's painful to make those phone calls, right? And so if you're someone who puts that off, and you hate making those phone calls, and you're like, "I know that I just have to do this thing," or maybe you're, like, changing your car insurance, and you're like, "Oh, no big deal.

I, I just have to call." But you dread it, and you keep putting it off because you know it's gonna be painful to do, and you're gonna have to get frustrated, right? Um,

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[00:02:00 - 00:04:00] The Trap of Urgency

or there's some sort of resistance to it. That goes hand in hand with many times we don't make those phone calls, and this definitely relates to vet med, until there's, like, a sense of urgency where, I don't know, maybe your car insurance is gonna get canceled and you have to change it or make a call and update your address, whatever it is.

Or maybe you have to make that doctor's appointment that you just keep putting off. And then you go and do the thing, and maybe it doesn't take you very long, like 15 minutes to do, if that, and you're like, "Ugh, I should've just done this before. This wasn't that bad." But you put it off for months, okay? So that sense of urgency is helpful to a certain degree, but if you're listening to this podcast, you are probably someone that thrives off of the urgency, and it can be addicting.

And this can be what keeps us in the chronic cycles of stress and burnout. So I'm specifically speaking to, not specifically, but neurodivergent folks, specifically ADHD. A lot of times we do really well under pressure, so we put things off, not on purpose. Like, we might have every indication and every, you know, idea that, yeah, we're gonna do this before I need to...

And it's an emergency, right? And then we don't do the thing until the last minute, and then we get it done and we're like, "Oh, it wasn't that bad." And we just repeat the same process all over again. So that is very common with, uh, ADHD folks. But I also see this just straight across the board in vet med, right?

And I think a lot of this comes from being a perfectionist or being a high achiever, right? We... I think there's sometimes resistance to doing something. Think of, like, writing a paper or something in school, and I, I

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[00:04:00 - 00:06:00] Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Productivity

remember distinctly, like, in middle school being like, "I'm gonna go home and do this paper so I don't have to wait until last minute."

And I don't do it, and then it's the last minute, and I'm stressed, and I do it, and it came out great, and I'm like, "Ugh, next time I'm, I'm gonna do it better. I'm gonna start earlier," right? So that is a cycle that we just repeat over and over again. But there can be a lot of procrastination that stems from perfectionism because we want to do it so right and perfect that sometimes that is the resistance to us starting the thing.

Um, but this relates because it keeps us in this chronic sense of urgency, just keeps us in that fight or flight and keeping us going, going, and it's hard to really break that cycle. So why is it that we're most productive sometimes when everything's on fire, right? So you just banged out two emails that you've been not wanting to send, but you did it in less than ten minutes, and you...

it's been on your to-do list for two weeks, right? Um, or maybe it's like, I used to do this all the time in practice, but especially as an associate, but maybe you had to call a client back, and you, like, dread talking to this client. Maybe they're a talker. Maybe they're upset about something, and you put it off, like, all day, and it hangs over your head.

And then you go and do the call and, and maybe, maybe it wasn't bad. Even if it was bad, maybe it was just bad, but it didn't take more than two minutes, right? And it's done and over with. But you've let it hang over your head all day long. And so what happens is, when we wait till the last minute, it's that sense of urgency that causes some sort of stimulation, right?

We get stimulated like, "Ugh, we gotta do this thing," and that causes us to get some momentum 'cause we have to do this thing. It's last minute. There's nothing else that we can do. And then when we are actually doing the thing

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[00:06:00 - 00:08:00] The Reward Loop of Urgency

in that short period of time, we typically don't have the feelings, or at least it's not as intense, of anxiety or self-doubt, right?

So we're not, like, overthinking 'cause we're just doing the thing. Like, maybe we're stressed about it, but we're doing the thing in the moment. So we're not necessarily overthinking how many different ways this could go bad or how many different ways, you know, um, we need to map it out before we do it 'cause we're already doing the thing.

So when that happens, though, it inadvertently gives us a temporary relief from that overthinking, that anxiousness, and the self-doubt. So that momentum is actually ends up being rewarding for us, which then kinda regulates us because we're not anxious, and we're not overthinking. We might be stressed, but we're doing the thing, so that feels better 'cause we feel like we're getting somewhere, and we're crossing things off our list.

But inevitably, what happens is that we are just reinforcing this loop. So A great example I will give you is that in practice, where, I mean, there are so many different examples of this in practice, but I was talking with one of my coaching clients today, and something she had said to me before was, "You know, I always have this sense of urgency.

It'll be my day off. I'll get an email, maybe a client needs, like, a refill," or it's, like, something very specific that was reached out to her. And so she's like, "It's just easier." And I literally have said these words, but to my therapist, "But it's literally just easier for me to just do it now and then take it off my plate and I'm done with it."

And yes, in theory, right, that's good. But the problem is that sense of urgency is what's triggering us to then take action. So anything that feels urgent, which by that example is everything, then we take action on it. But the problem is when we're refilling someone's meds,

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[00:08:00 - 00:10:00] When Everything Becomes Urgent

we're calling a client back, um, because we think maybe they were upset.

Oh, let me help you scrub in on that surgery, um, at the same... You know, like, we overextend ourselves and take all those things on. So because it's stimulating and we can get stuff done, and the dopamine surge that we get when we finish something is that reward, right? And so that feels good. So we're like, "Oh, well, we rewarded ourselves.

We can cross that off our list, and we got a dopamine hit." The problem is it doesn't-- We, we tell ourselves that, "Okay, I love that feeling of getting that done. I will do it again. Next time I'll do it sooner." And that's not what happens because procrastination, perfectionism sinks in And we either sit there and know we have to do it, but can't take action, or everything causes us to take action, but we're not doing things in priority.

And we also teach people that, "Hey, we'll just do this thing and we'll get it done, so I'm gonna be your go-to person," right? We all know someone like that. It's probably... And if you don't, it's probably you in your, in your job and in your life. Um, "I don't know how to do this. I'll just go to this person and ask, 'cause I know they're gonna know, and if they don't know, they're gonna figure it out and I won't have to do that," right?

So that's where everything becomes urgent, so then therefore, honestly, nothing is. So essentially, we're... When we're having everything have that sense of urgency, we're not thinking about our overthinking, anxious thoughts, the fears that come up, y- all the emotions that we typically don't deal with, right?

Think of like a really busy day in, in practice, and maybe something happened in the morning that, it just like, you're stressed about it and it's something that ha- is to deal with at home, right? But then you get going on with your day and you're so busy that you forget about it. You

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[00:10:00 - 00:12:00] Busyness, Worth, and Dopamine

remember it when things slow down for a hot second, but in the moment you're not thinking about it.

So that's why things end up taking over and becoming urgent. And so we don't wanna sit with those feelings, right? So because of that, though, that's when, like things like taking action, they are a lot of times predictable. We can see, okay, there's goals, there's structure there, which usually everyone does better with some sort of structure.

And the problem with that, though, is we identify ourselves as if we're busy then, then we're productive and we are worthy and we make it our identity. So essentially, our busyness equals our worth, our value, and sometimes even like our, just our safety, psychological safety. So this is why when we go to slow down, it doesn't feel comfortable.

I've heard this from so many people. And you know, the, the dopamine aspect is essentially we know dopamine is for like motivation, drive, seeking. Especially in a high-stakes profession like vet med, everything's gonna feel urgent, right? And so we get that dopamine hit. Especially if there's like a lot of pressure, this is something new and novel, especially for our ADHD people.

Like our brain likes those new things and it goes towards doing the new thing. Um, but the problem is when, when we're not aware of that, we also think that, "Oh, that's just something I like to do," which, okay, maybe it is. But if you feel so urgent doing that thing and it's not really that urgent, then I would argue that it's really not that helpful, right?

So That's why when... Like, think of it this way. When you go, like, if you've ever been at your house and someone's like, "Oh, okay, let me just stop over and pick up that jacket I left at your house." And you're like, "Fuck, my house is a

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[00:12:00 - 00:15:00] Why Slowing Down Feels So Hard

fucking mess." And you pick it up really quick, and you clean up everything, but you've been trying to do that for two weeks, and now you just did it in 30 minutes, right?

It's that sense of urgency, and then you're like, "Oh, it wasn't that bad. I remember that for next time. I'll just do it." We don't... That never works, okay? It's because there is a set time, and there's an end time, and we gotta do it. Um, but the problem is when we're responding to, like, emails or other things, we start to put urgency in everything because slowing down, it doesn't feel great at first.

Like a lot... We have a lot more thoughts come up. We have a lot of just unresolved emotions that are kind of catching up with us, and that i- is even why, too, on your days off, things like being anxious and exhausted is something that we feel like we're caught... Usually, we're caught between, "I have to do all these things on my to-do list.

I gotta do laundry. I gotta, you know, vacuum the house. Um, it's my day off. I'm exhausted." But one of two things happen. Either we do it because we've now told ourselves, like, it's really urgent to do, and we do it, and we're more exhausted, or we are so exhausted we don't have the ability to do it, and we rest, and we feel guilty the whole fucking time we're doing it, and it's not really restful if we're feeling guilty about that.

So it doesn't help us in, in any way, right? And I was on a podcast recently, and someone had mentioned that there is... And I'm have to get in touch with her, but there is an ER veterinarian, I think is in Australia, and she's studying the link between, you know, burnout vet med and neurodivergency. And by her accounts, and I, I don't know, again, what she's looking at, but by her accounts, ER veterinarians, she's like, it's over, like, 50% are probably neurodivergent because it's that sense of urgency.

So side note, neurodivergents, um, especially ADHD, typically have less, um... I can never remember if it's less dopamine receptors or just less dopamine produced, but either way, less dopamine. So we tend to be dopamine seeking. That's why doing the novel things that are new and exciting really light us up, and we get that dopamine hit from it.

So it's really hard to do the mundane things. So that makes sense, though, why ER vets would go towards that, right? 'Cause y- the chaos and the urgency and all that gives you that dopamine hit.

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[00:30:00 - 00:32:00] Recognizing the Hidden Cost of Constant Urgency

stop, it's not good and it's not comfortable, so we're, not only do we continue to go and we're already exhausted, but now we're not dealing with our emotions and actually processing like the stress that we experience every day.

Things like challenging cases, challenging clients, um, you know, a heavy workload, all that stuff. We're, we're not even dealing with it which it is gonna manifest and pop up in other areas of your life and your body too.

So the interesting part is that a lot of times when we are not on the go and urgent, a lot of that self-doubt comes up and it sits there, right?

Uh, more because now we have time to stew it over, but that doesn't feel comfortable. So you know, if you've got a pet that comes in that's coding, are you gonna be like, "All right, I'm gonna go process this?" No.

You know it's urgent and you have to do this thing now, and you're not trying to second-guess yourself like, "Should I do this? Should I do that?" Like maybe you are, but you're doing it in a fraction of the second whereas before you would probably maybe overthink it, right?

So that's why it looks, on the outside looks like a good thing to keep busy.

So the way to stop this, number one, is where are we putting urgency that it doesn't have to be?

So those client emails, those client text messages, if it's one thing to be like, "Oh, I have some time. I wanna get this out of the way," and if that's appropriate, go for it.

But don't do it in that sense of like, "Oh my God, this feels awful. I just have to do it. All right, I just did it on my lunch break and now I feel better."

Right? Like there's a different feeling to that especially on your days off.

Fuck that.

There, there's nothing, like I said, unless an animal's actively dying, and if it's actively dying you're not at work so you're not gonna be able to help it anyway.

So I would argue that nothing really has to b- get done on your day off, and you're not gonna get ahead, right,

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[00:32:00 - 00:34:00] Questioning What Is Truly Urgent

doing work on your day off.

We already know that. We've tried it.

Number two, uh, another way once we realize where this is coming up, so am I overbooking myself? Am I being, you know, that sense of urgency when a client's waiting I'm gonna go run to the restroom?

Um, or you end up holding it, right?

So find out where that is and really ask yourself is it, is it urgent?

And again, use it through the lens of is anyone actively dying or coding.

Um, the other thing too is that doing things that you have resistance to, so maybe it's cleaning or making that doctor appointment call, whatever, plan to do it and not be perfect.

Like 80% is done.

Your house, you might not have got the baseboards scrubbed with a toothbrush, but maybe you vacuumed really quick and wiped down the counters, right?

And call that a day, and be done with that.

And I know that feels really uncomfortable for those of us who are, like, really type A and want everything clean and perfect, but we have to desensitize ourselves to that.

So setting that up ahead of time, "Hey, I'm only gonna..."

Actually, my therapist had me do this, and I thought this was kind of helpful.

I was the same way with the fucking cleaning, right?

So she's like, "Set a timer."

And I was like, "Ooh."

Because inevitably, I would start cleaning something, see something else, and then have to go back to that other thing, and then the... Right.

So then I'm, that's why it takes all day.

So it, this actually really works, and you can do this with anything.

Maybe you're doing laundry.

You've saved up all the laundry. You have, like, five laundry baskets full of clean laundry, and you hate hanging them up.

Set a timer.

Whatever you hang up in that time is done, and it's done.

Either you're gonna probably do it all, or you'll do enough that it's good, and you'll be done with it.

And that's what I had to do for cleaning the house, and it was really helpful, 'cause I would be like, "Ooh, only 15 more minutes, and I really wanted to clean that other thing, so let me go do that really quick."

So desensitizing ourselves to that

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[00:34:00 - 00:36:00] Breaking the All-or-Nothing Mindset

all or nothing mentality is super helpful.

And then the last piece is just starting to take some breaks without having to earn them.

So maybe it's your day off.

Maybe you didn't clean the house yet.

All right, I'm gonna do that, but I'm gonna sit.

You know, I'm gonna have a cup of coffee, start my day, five or 10 minutes.

Again, we're just trying to take away that all or nothing thinking and that sense of urgency too.

So really retrain our nervous system that it is okay to rest.

And then over time, we can expand the time of those breaks.

So number one is notice where that urgency comes up that is really not fucking urgent, and it's, like I said, probably most things.

Number two is half-ass it.

Do something 80% and be done.

Set a timer and be done, and you have to promise yourself, "I'm done when this is done."

Because if you're not- Uh, trusting yourself in doing that, then you're gonna not trust yourself next time you wanna set a timer 'cause you know you're gonna go over, right?

And then the third thing is take five or 10-minute breaks without having to earn them.

Enjoy your coffee in the morning, especially if it's your day off, whatever that is.

Okay.

So I hope this was super helpful.

I feel like this is probably gonna speak to a lot of us.

You're not alone, and this is noth- like, there's no fault of your own.

This is, A, what got programmed when we were younger.

As we grew up, it got reinforced, and then it got even more reinforced as we work because it benefits everyone else that is around us.

So ...

And then we see people, it's like the people-pleasing thing, right?

I'll just do this thing for this person instead of showing them, A, 'cause I'm faster, B, it'll get done the way I want it, and C, they'll be happy 'cause I did it for them.

So it's that fucked up mind fuck of like, oh, this actually isn't helping anyone because now I'm taking everything on and I'm becoming more and more stressed.

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[00:36:00 - 00:38:00] Vet Your Thoughts Invitation

So I hope this helps.

And again, if you are interested in the Vet Your Thoughts group mentorship, I would love to have you.

I think you're gonna get a lot of really good, juicy information, just like the stuff you hear in the podcast here, but we go even deeper, and you get access to me, um, live coaching calls.

So ...

And there's a lot of Q&A, things that you guys are experiencing on a daily basis.

Like, I'm not doing anything cookie cutter.

There's nothing that is set in stone here.

I really wanna give you guys that are in the program what you want in the moment and really do trainings focused on that.

Um, so I have a lot of ideas, but I can't wait to really tailor it to you.

So I hope that you don't miss it.

So again, you can DM me on Instagram the word thoughts, T-H-O-U-G-H-T-S, or you can go to my website, thestressandburnoutcoach.com/waitlist.

All right.

I am so excited.

Um, I can't wait to hear if this resonated with you guys.

Drop me a DM on Instagram and tell me if this sounds like something you've done before.

And, um, and if, if there are things that helped you, I would love to know your experience as well.