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Stop the Burnout Podcast 

Epi 57:

Dealing With the Same Frustrating Issues at Work? Here’s What to Do When You’re Not the Boss

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Have you ever walked into work already dreading the same frustrating situations, feeling like nothing is ever going to change? And worse, you’re convinced that because you’re not a manager or owner, you can’t change it?

Many veterinary professionals and high achievers fall into the trap of believing they have no control, which leads to burnout, resentment, and repeating the same exhausting patterns.

Well…the time has come to be able to do something about it! I’m getting into the neuroscience behind why your brain tells you you're stuck, including learned helplessness and avoidance patterns.

More importantly, I’ll show you how to start shifting those patterns so you can create real change at work instead of waiting for things to magically improve.

 

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

  • 00:00 – Why you feel stuck and dread going into work

  • 04:00 – How avoidance and “this is just how it is” keep you in the same cycle

  • 09:00 – The neuroscience behind choosing safety over change

  • 14:00 – A real example of speaking up and setting boundaries

  • 18:00 – Learned helplessness and why nothing seems to change

  • 21:00 – How overworking and overcompensating fuel burnout

  • 30:00 – Facts vs assumptions and what’s actually in your control

  • 34:00 – A simple way to start creating change at work

 

Key Takeaways

  • Feeling stuck is often a pattern, not a reality

  • Avoiding conversations reinforces burnout and keeps problems in place

  • Your brain overestimates risk and defaults to safety over change

  • Overcompensating for broken systems leads to resentment and exhaustion

  • Clear communication and solution-based thinking are key to creating change

  • You have more influence than you think, even if you’re not the decision-maker

  •  

A Truth You Need to Hear:

“You’re not stuck because things can’t be changed. You’re stuck because the patterns you’ve learned are keeping you from changing it.”

 

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www.thestressandburnoutcoach.com

 

S2 Epi 57 Transcript:

Dealing With the Same Frustrating Issues at Work? Here’s What to Do When You’re Not the Boss

 

[00:00:00] Why You Keep Dealing With the Same Frustrating Issues at Work

Have you ever gone to work and you dread walking into work because you know you're gonna be dealing with the same frustrating situation that you had to deal with yesterday and the day before, but you also feel like it's pointless to bring it up because. It's not gonna get resolved and you're gonna have the same issue over and over again.

And this is just how it is. I feel you. The good news is it doesn't have to be that way, and it actually really isn't that way. This episode we're gonna go into why that is, why our brains tell us that way, the neuroscience behind it, but also how to start seeing change and asking for it so that you actually get results instead of repeating the same exhausting day over and over again.

Alright, let's jump in.

[00:01:00] The “Nothing Will Change” Mindset That Keeps You Stuck

Welcome back to another episode of Stop the Burnout. We're gonna talk about the thing that I'm pretty sure every single one of us that has ever worked in a veterinary hospital or honestly in a job in general has probably experienced, and that is the feeling that you just have to deal with the shit that's going on and there's no way to change it, and it just is what it is.

What prompted this conversation is because I... It was a while back, but I had a post on social media and it was talking about, oh, I think it was talking about like, you know, how there are sometimes there's like mean girl cliques. I say girl because many people in our profession are female obviously not everyone, but and it seems like the good people end up leaving and the not so great people end up staying, and so you just perpetually get this, cycle of um, of turnover essentially.

And when I posted it, you know, I said something like, the good people leave and the not so great ones end up staying." And someone was like, made a comment like, "Yep that's just how it is and no one's gonna do anything about it, so you either have to like work 10 hours a week in your job or leave the profession altogether."

And I was like, "Yep, I get what you're saying, like I've been there, but also I can guarantee you that if you leave that job and even if you go to a different profession, you're gonna find someone in that profession that you don't gel with and now you're, never actually dealing on or dealing with, I should say the issue at hand.

So you're just gonna repeat the same things."

[00:03:00] Why Avoidance and People-Pleasing Keep the Cycle Going

And I thought it was really interesting because a-around the same time that I was-- saw that comment and honestly most of the comments were like, "Yes, this is true," but when I read that, my brain goes to, okay, that's very much a, what's the word? Like a victim mindset of that.

And so yeah, you're not gonna change anything if you feel that way. I know it can feel frustrating and overwhelming for sure, but that doesn't mean that it can't change. And the person that commented, they were kind of putting it like they have zero control, and so because management or owner, whomever, won't do anything, then it just is what it is.

And I used to think that but it also when we think that way, we have to realize that we are also almost like giving ourselves a pass and enabling ourselves to believe that that is true because learning to address these situations are challenging, and so we don't feel comfortable doing it, so then we don't do it, and then we end up obviously just reliving the same thing over and over again.

So it, it is, something I think many of us in veterinary medicine experience because truthfully, in my experience, so many of us are just empathetic, people-pleasing, kind, most of us humans, that we don't feel comfortable addressing it. Or if we do address it and nothing happens, then we are like, "Well, we're not gonna have that conversation again."

And then we just kind of repeat the same patterns.

[00:05:00] The Real Problem: Inefficiency, Poor Training, and Burnout

I also bring this up because recently I was talking with several of my clients and then some, you know, potential new clients, and they were sharing situations that would happen at work where, first of all, I'm not gonna go off on a tangent, but it just is so important on how practices are managed for efficiency.

And the thing that comes to mind, and obviously I get like a small piece of the pie, so to speak, of everyone in the profession, but, you know, there's definitely common themes here that I've seen and I still hear from my clients. And one of those was that, they have technicians that aren't well-trained, and I look at management o-on that, right?

Like, it's-- it takes a lot, there's a lot of things to train like a technician or an assistant, any support staff member. And I think most of the time because we're plugging holes, as in like we don't have enough support staff, so we put people in these positions, we mean well to train them for the most part, but life happens, it gets busy, we don't have time to train them, or we never finish training them, and now they're thrown into the mix and they're not fully trained.

So they get frustrated, doctors get frustrated because they're not doing everything that they can and should be doing, and then we end up just either the technicians leave, right? Because they're not being fully trained, so they don't really have any skin in the game 'cause they're like, "Whatever." Or we get frustrated with them because they can't do their jobs because no one's trained them, and it's a lose-lose situation.

[00:07:00] When “Fixes” Actually Make Things Worse

So these potential this potential client and my, one of my current clients, their technicians are decent, but they've never been fully trained. And m- in one of these cases they're CVTs, they're certified, and in the other case they're not.

But it's insane to me that the management team's solution to not having our support staff well-trained Is because now they're experiencing inefficiency in the workflow of the hospital. I swear I'm coming back to my original topic here, but because there's no ineffici-- because there's inefficiency in that, their solution is like, "Let me have the doctors take a history instead."

And I'm like, "What the hell? No." This is totally trainable for most people, for support staff, and you're not... You're literally adding to more work for your doctors, more burnout, yes, but now you're also taking time away that they can finish up records, and it's like you're-- it's just stupid, okay?

[00:09:00] Why You Don’t Speak Up (and Why Nothing Changes)

I guess I feel like it's common sense, but I get when you're in a pickle, and you don't have enough people, and you're just trying to like, "Can you just do this thing real quick?" And that's great, but that's not a long-term solution. But this ties in with what that person had commented on social media because, and I don't know what her position was her role, support staff, whatever but it goes along the lines of like, "Okay, well, what if I address this thing and then nothing happens?"

So the first part of this is, and I'll use that example of like, you know, not having support staff being fully trained. A-and again, I don't think I don't think it's necessarily like, okay, you might have someone in any role, right? It doesn't matter if you're a doctor, support staff, and they're not fully in their capability of what you need them to do in their, in their job.

But then I always look at, okay, well, have we given them all the tools to do that, right? And a lot of times we haven't, so we can't really blame anyone but ourselves as in management. So what happens though is that the other members of the team end up compensating, and they end up taking on more work, and they get exhausted, and they get resentful.

[00:11:00] The Pattern That Follows You Everywhere

But now they have so much on their plate, they can't now either train the people that need to be trained because they don't have enough time. It's the stupidest thing. It really, really is. But what happens is that we end up taking our safety, the feeling of being safe, over actually solving the problem, and it feels more comfortable to not say anything, and so that obviously we just keep reliving the same day.

Or we do say something and it falls on deaf ears, it's not followed up, and then we think it's pointless.

So There are several different ways to approach this. So the first one is, if we don't feel comfortable addressing it with someone sometimes I've seen where people will say, "Well, I don't feel comfortable addressing it," and then they fill in, "Because I know they won't do anything about it," or, "Because so and so said something and nothing changed."

And it's like, okay, we can't, A, assume that that's gonna be the, the outcome, right? Even if it is, we can't assume.

[00:12:00] The Truth: You Have More Control Than You Think

And two, the way in which we present these challenges and solutions is like literally as important as the solution that you're providing. Because everyone has so much on their plate, the last thing someone wants to feel is this huge problem that has no solution, and it's gonna be a huge issue to fix, right?

So there's different ways to approach this. But when we don't feel comfortable saying anything, we just end up kind of living in that misery, right? Because nothing is going to change, obviously. We can't assume that people are gonna say, "Oh, Dr. Parks is miserable. Let's go change this thing." How the fuck are they gonna know what is causing me to be miserable if I've never said anything?

[00:13:00] You’ll Keep Repeating This Anywhere You Go

So that is first and foremost, and when we don't speak up, nothing changes. But what also happens is we repeat the same thing in whatever workplace we're in, and this is the difference. Because that comment on social media, I'm like, "Okay, well, have fun, working ten hours a week," which you can still be frustrated in ten hours a week. You're just not getting exposed to it as much, so maybe it's easier to ignore. But okay, go and change job roles altogether, and I can tell you, you're gonna run into the same problem. So I know people that have worked in like offices that have the same issue, and like this is done really inefficiently, but they don't feel comfortable bringing it up because what if my boss or whomever thinks that I'm not a team player and I'm not, being helpful, and so they don't bring it up at all.

So what I'm saying is that I love you so much, but it is something you can do about. But when we look at it in a way of this is someone else's problem, that A, they should know that it's a problem for me, and B, do something about it so I can feel better, you will be disappointed every time. But the good news is it isn't like that. That's just what we think. And you repeat these same patterns not just in work, in relationships, in family dynamics, right? If you don't feel comfortable addressing something or you feel like, for whatever reason, it's not going to get resolved, then you're not gonna bring it up. So this is something That many times when I'm working with clients, they're not, you know, how we are in our work life is pretty much for the most part, how we're gonna be in our personal life, right?

We don't go and essentially, you know, look at something and then, you know, go to work and then go home and be completely different person. No. It's just, it's-- So that's why it's related to all these root patterns, which if you've listened to any of my episodes, you know what I'm talking about. It's essentially these patterns that we experience throughout our lives that we've probably learned earlier in life, and it dictates the, the way we perceive certain situations.

[00:15:00] Why Your Brain Avoids Conflict (and Keeps You Stuck)

So if you don't feel comfortable bringing something up because maybe anytime you brought something up, even if it was in childhood, it was addressed or it was met with, conflict or, "Nope, that's not gonna work," you know, no one ever heard you type of thing, then yeah, it's not gonna feel comfortable to bring it up.

And so our brain learns that it's safer to avoid something because that feels better than actually addressing it, and addressing it in our mind could feel like a possible threat. Now, do you go around saying, "I'm not gonna address it 'cause that feels like a threat?" No. Right? It comes up with things like, "Oh God, that's gonna be really uncomfortable," or, "So-and-so's got so much on her plate, she's gonna be annoyed. I don't want her to think, I'm not a team player or I'm not doing my job," right? So that's the ego, if you will, of our brain trying to convince us that it is okay to not say anything, even though the other har- half of us is like, "Oh my gosh, I'm going crazy. Some-- this needs to be solved," right?

So the avoidance is actually relief for us, and then that's where we feel safer.

[00:15:00–00:18:00] A Real Example of Speaking Up and Setting Boundaries

A good example of this is when I was an associate, I think I was maybe five years out. I worked at a private practice. One of... It was my boss, myself, so he was a solo doctor, and then I came on board after school, and then about three to five years after I started, we needed another doctor. So we took on this new doctor. Um, she was phenomenal. She is still phenomenal. She's still there.

And I remember being at a staff meeting, or no, a doctor meeting, so it was my boss, her, and myself, and I remember her bringing up like we ha-- I will say that I think we catered to clients too much in the sense that like they were disrespectful and lines that were crossed that should be like, that should've been like, "Here's your records. Go away." But instead it was like, "How can we make this work?" You know, sometimes it just, that isn't possible.

So we had some clients that were rude. And I remember one of the clients, they were like, you just never knew what you were gonna get. Sometimes they liked my boss, and then when he wasn't available, then they saw me, and then they were saying shit about my boss. And then when I wasn't available, they, you know, it just, it was weird. It was kinda crazy.

And so this doctor, this newer doctor was like, "Hey, I'm not comfortable seeing these clients. Like, they literally called me a bitch. Like, I don't care if they come here, I'm just not seeing them as a doctor." And and I remember thinking like, "What?" In the middle of this doctor meeting like, "Sh-- I can't believe she just brought this up. Oh my God, this is so bad. Like, why can't you just suck it up? Blah, blah, blah."

And the funny part about that is like, she was light years ahead of me because she was bringing something up that was an issue, right? And she was also drawing a boundary of like, "I'm not dealing with this myself. You can make a decision as far as the practice goes, but I'm not seeing them because they're rude, they're disrespectful."

[00:18:00] Learned Helplessness and the Self-Fulfilling Cycle

But it was like beyond that too. Like, they were just not really compliant all the time, but then of course blamed it on the doctor. And so I just remember being like, "Whoa, I can't believe she's bringing this up. Holy shit. Like, just suck it up." But that's because I experienced all those things, but I didn't feel safe bringing it up because I literally was like, "Oh, we don't do that. Like, we just suck it up, and I've never brought something up at work. They're gonna think that I'm like being annoying or I'm being challenging," right?

And it was met with a really great response, and my boss was like totally open to it, totally fine with that. You know, I think there could've been the grand scheme of things, bigger things that might or could have been done just to deal with that client in general. But I applaud him for being like, "Okay," like, "Yeah, let's... What do you need?" And her for bringing it up.

But I avoided that for years, right? I had clients, especially because my boss was a solo practitioner and then brought me on board as a new grad, so of course clients are like, "Who the hell is this person? I don't wanna see her. I wanna see him." So it was definitely, sorry, my cats are playing if you can hear them.

It was definitely something that was eye-opening, and I realize that, yes, that reception of "Okay, I totally understand," "Let's also try to do something about it," I know that that's not always how we're met with things. But that's okay too, right? It doesn't have to be w- let's not focus on how someone responds for it to determine if we made the right call too.

So essentially what I was doing was I, it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, so I wasn't acting on it, I wasn't doing anything. So obviously nothing changed, right?

[00:20:00] Why You Stay Stuck (Overestimating Risk, Underestimating Yourself)

So I still had to deal with these clients that were disrespectful and obviously all the stuff that comes with that. You know, it's stressful to see them on the schedule and then deal with them and, um.

You know, you're stressed the night before and then you're stressed after, and the outcome was that like, I didn't do anything. So then nothing changes and I assume that that's okay. Yeah, see you just have to deal with it again. What am I supposed to like? I guess I thought someone's supposed to read my mind, or there were supposed to address the client being rude.

But many times people aren't privy to, all that information. So what happens is that our behavior is like literally creating the result and the result is what we don't want. So it's a learned helplessness and we feel like nothing I say matters. Even if change is possible, we stop trying.

Right? And those I think are twofold. One, because maybe we've tried and it didn't work and or we never tried and we see other people or we assume. Similar situations had an outcome that was negative.

Like, oh, so and so brought that topic up and the manager shot it down so it's not even worth bringing up again. And then we're, we just stopped trying. Right. Especially when you don't have a lot of like mental bandwidth to deal with that.

The problem that happens though is that our brain is really overestimating the risk... but we also underestimate our ability to handle it.

[00:21:00–00:23:00] Overworking, Resentment, and Burnout

So when we have both of those, there's a disconnect between what is possible. And it's really tough because essentially this pattern develops. So we avoid any sort of conversation and then we adapt to the situation.

So in that previous example about the technicians not taking histories, okay, fine, I'll just, you know, I'm a doctor in this case I'm gonna be faster and just do the histories really quick so I can write. And then I'm doing records, you know, after we close or on my day off to finish.

So we end up overcompensating, which is also over-functioning, overworking, and that's contributing to the burnout. But we're burnt out because we haven't addressed the thing.

And then what happens is that we have this resentment. This is a ugly piece. I had so much resentment when I was really burnt out, but the irony is that I never fucking addressed anything, right?

[00:23:00–00:26:00] Why Changing Jobs Doesn’t Fix the Problem

I mean, I would vent. Now, that's different. There's a different, there's a way to vent and there's a way to address something, to look for a desired outcome. And I think those two get confused a lot.

But then with that resentment, I just felt more stuck, right? Because now I'm just doing more, it's like a speeding freight train. It's going faster. We're doing more. And there's nothing that's gonna stop it.

And I do think though, many of us wait too long so that by the time we're like ready or comfortable addressing it, it's, we've been resentful for so long that it feels impossible and it feels like, oh, there's no way this is gonna change.

And we end up just stop trying to resolve the issue. And we really like wait till we're at our wits end.

[00:26:00–00:30:00] Why Change Feels Uncomfortable (But Necessary)

And the trouble with that is that any sort of like change, especially if it's like in workflow or efficiency, is not gonna happen overnight, but we need it to happen overnight because we're so fucking stressed out.

And so then we get frustrated. It didn't happen in the drop of a dime and now we're stuck living in misery essentially...

I want people to remember that what is familiar... is what is comfortable, but that doesn't mean it's healthy.

Just because we've seen it before doesn't mean that it's a good thing.

And conversely, something that is unfamiliar doesn't automatically mean it's not good for us...

We're bumping up against the edge of us doing something different. And that can feel really, really uncomfortable to the point that we don't do anything.

[00:30:00] Facts vs Assumptions and Identifying the Real Problem

Okay. So how do we solve this? Number one biggest thing is let's separate facts from assumptions. So we can assume that in that situation where doctors are taking histories as a doctor, you might assume that the manager or whomever is in management, supervisor, whatever, that they know that you have a lot of records to write, right? Or they really might believe that it is more efficient. And so we can't just assume like, oh my God, this person doesn't get it. It's so obvious. Why would they have us take histories? That's so stupid. Right?

But let's look at facts like they, if they really think that this is gonna improve efficiency, like why do they think that? Oh, well, because the staff maybe a technician or technicians aren't trained to take a good history. So it does take them longer. So they think it's right. It's like the shorthand solution is not the same as a long solution, long term solution.

So the shorthand solution is have the doctors just take the history, it'll be faster. That's great, except that our technicians are now definitely not gonna be able to do this. Right. So in the long term, we are only adding more work to the doctors. The technicians aren't learning and some technicians might just leave, right? Because they're not being able to do their job fully. Or the ones that stay are just realize that they're just glorified janitors and they're not.

So sometimes you get lazy ones, right? Because they're doing less work. So that's where we have to separate the fact from assumptions. So the person might not really, they might assume that this is gonna make sense in their brain. Okay.

Also don't assume that they know what you're experiencing. And first of all, for all you veterinary professionals out there, you're too fucking good at your job. So what you all, and I say this with so much love because I've done this too, but you are too good at your job that you end up doing other people's jobs and then you get frustrated that other people can't do their jobs, but you don't have time to teach them how to do that because you're doing two people's jobs, right.

That's what I'm talking about. So that is gonna feel really frustrating. Okay. But because you're doing all that shit. Then hey, from the outside they're like, oh great, you got that history and we're on time except you're killing yourself. 'cause you're running yourself ragged. But shit is still going right. There's no major issue to have to deal with. So, oh, this seems like this makes sense. Right?

So that's where fact from assumption is really important because we can't assume that people know what we're experiencing or the challenges that we're having, especially us because we're really good at just biting the bullet and keep on working. Right.

[00:33:00] Why Waiting Too Long Makes Change Harder

So the second thing is that one way to look at this is, again, because many of us are really good at just trudging through our, oh, we're understaffed for another day. Excellent. We end up when we get to the point that we do need to feel like we have to say something, we're so resentful, we're so miserable, there's no other option.

Either we're gonna explode when we try to have that conversation or we try to, we want to fix so many things at one time because we're so overwhelmed. And in doing that, A, you don't have the mental, physical, emotional capacity 'cause you're already exhausted 'cause you're doing so much.

And then B, what ends up happening is we get more frustrated because we want things to change like yesterday because we waited so long and it doesn't change that quickly, and now we either think it's not possible or oh my gosh, this is not changing fast enough. Right?

And so we end up being miserable.

[00:34:00] A Simple Framework to Start Creating Change

So the second thing is essentially ask yourself when you're looking at the big picture, like what would make this easier? I know that seems really simple, but essentially fill in the blanks.

It would help if blank, so that I can blank.

So it would help if technicians continue to take histories so that I can finish records in that time. Like we're trying to identify what, what is the solution here? Right.

Okay. Not everyone, but most people aren't that lazy in VetMed. I know that there are people there, but you're not looking to like just do more work. It's how can we make this more efficient and less stressful for everyone right now.

The only issue I see in this example is that we don't have enough technicians, right? And don't have enough technicians, and so we're overloading them with more. But it's like this vicious cycle because if we don't have enough technicians, and then they're not trained, they're being pulled in eight different directions, but they're not really fully being trained, so they're not gonna be efficient and oh geez, they're not efficient.

So now we need more technicians. Well then we get new technicians and we don't really train them. It's just a cycle. So trying to identify like one thing and again, this is gonna look different for everyone.

[00:35:00] How to Present Solutions So People Actually Listen

But identify the problem and the frustration and the solution. And I don't, I don't mean this, you've probably heard me say this before, but going to a supervisor, owner, manager of, Hey, this is the problem. Okay, excellent.

You're gonna be much more well received if you also follow that up with a solution, like a viable solution. It doesn't have to be the solution that we pick, but when we are looking at it of, Hey, if we do this. This can help X, Y, and Z.

Then we're already focusing on the problem with a solution in mind versus what I used to see a lot is technicians or doctors are like, well, this is going on and this can't happen. It's like, okay. Add it to the list of a million fucking things that we need to change. Right.

It doesn't really make it to the top of the list, but if we've already taken care of half of the issue because we already have a potential solution or solutions there for, to consider, then that is much more.

People want to reason with that more, and I'll even add in the way you can approach that is, Hey, this is what's going on. I do have a couple of thoughts and potential solutions if you're open to hearing them.

That's the secret code because when you say, are you, if you're open to hearing them, and they say yes, subconsciously, they're opening their mind to these potential solutions instead of.

Hey, this is what's going on. Here's a solution. Can we just fucking do it? 'cause we need to, it's just, it's how we deliver the information.

[00:37:00] Final Thoughts and Next Steps

And even, I just wanna close with, even if you do these things and you're like, yeah, but nothing changed. There's processes and follow ups that can help to really increase the potential that we get a solution with this be.

And I can't go into all the details here, but that's where it is important to, you know, have like a second step after addressing something, because I think sometimes we assume, well, we brought it up, no one did anything.

I don't know if anyone's actually being malicious. Maybe in the grand scheme of things, someone has been, and I'm sure, but there's usually so much on the plate that is not a priority, and so we have to kind of set it up for like, Hey, I need this to do this.

And so it's viewed in a different way of like, Hey, I wanna help Dr. Parks get this thing because it's gonna help with X, Y, and Z.

And again, that's something that, hey, we're gonna be going into a lot of that juiciness on our group coaching. Again, I also go into that with my one-on-ones, but it's very individual specific of like what you're dealing with right now at your practice and the people and the dynamics and all that fun stuff.

If you're interested though, get on the wait list for the group program. And the fun part about this is the group coaching program that I created is called Vet Your Thoughts. So good. I love the name.

Alright, so get on the list, vet your thoughts if you're ready to like ditch the self-care Bs. And finally heal, you know, your burnout and stress in veterinary medicine, but to do it with actual real tools and strategies.

You're definitely gonna want to be on the list for this. So grab that link in the show notes or DM me on Instagram, the word waitlist, or visit my website, the stress and burnout coach.com/waitlist, and I will see you guys on the next episode.