Epi 58:

You already know what you need to do: speak up, say “no,” stop taking on everything for everyone else, or have an uncomfortable conversation. But knowing isn’t the hard part…doing it is, especially when fear is quietly running the show.

In this episode, we break down the subtle ways you may be sabotaging your confidence and unknowingly fueling your overthinking.

You’ll learn how fear keeps veterinary professionals stuck in overthinking, hypervigilance, and second-guessing everything, why your brain treats everyday clinic stress like a threat, and why logic alone doesn’t stop the spiral.

More importantly, you’ll start to interrupt these patterns with awareness, self-compassion, and small, practical shifts so you can think clearly, trust your decisions, and stop mentally exhausting yourself.

 

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

• [00:00] Why knowing what to do is not the problem
• [00:02] How fear drives overthinking and avoidance
• [00:04] The 2 AM mental spiral and why it happens
• [00:07] All or nothing thinking that keeps you stuck
• [00:09] How fear creates resentment and emotional buildup
• [00:11] What happens in your brain during stress response
• [00:14] Why you can’t always think logically in high-stress moments
• [00:15] The dangerous loop that reinforces overthinking
• [00:20] Real clinical examples that shape fear patterns
• [00:25] Awareness as the first step to breaking the cycle
• [00:27] How to start making small, realistic changes
• [00:29] The role of self-compassion in reducing mental load

 

Key Takeaways

• Fear is the underlying driver behind overthinking, having trouble saying no, and eventually can contribute to burnout
• Your brain reinforces fear patterns even when outcomes are fine
• Experience does not eliminate fear without changing thought patterns
• Unprocessed thoughts turn into resentment and emotional exhaustion
• Small shifts in awareness and response can break the cycle over time
•  

A Truth You Need to Hear:

“Worrying about it didn’t prevent it. It just exhausted you and reinforced the idea that worrying was beneficial.”

 

Links mentioned:

Learn more & grab your spot on the VIP waitlist for "VET YOUR THOUGHTS" group coaching & mentorship HERE!

 

Follow & find me:

Instagram

Facebook

TikTok

www.thestressandburnoutcoach.com

 

S2 Epi 58 Transcript:

The Subtle Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Confidence & Quietly Fueling Your Overthinking

 

[00:00:00 - 00:01:00] Fear is driving what we do and don’t do
I've always said many times we know what we're supposed to do. That's not the hard part. The hard part is actually. Doing the thing because there are certain patterns that come up and certain emotions that actually are driving our decision to have that conversation with the rude client to speak up for yourself, for that coworker that keeps badmouthing you and the emotion that drives that is actually fear.

Fear keeps us stuck and it keeps us. Stuck in situations that ultimately lead to things like resentment, frustration, and overwhelm. So today's episode, we're getting into that as well as how do we stop that and actually have these conversations. So come on in and join me. I.

Welcome to Stop the Burnout. A podcast for veterinary professionals who love medicine but are exhausted by the people pressure expectations, and the constant mental load that comes with it. If you've ever thought I shouldn't feel this drain doing something I care about, you are not alone, and you're definitely not broken.

I'm Dr. Amber Parks a veterinarian Turn, stress and burnout coach. And here we talk about this stuff that no one taught us. Like how to actually break the stress and burnout patterns once and for all, and how to stay in this profession without losing yourself. You won't find bubble bath toxic positivity or self-care fluff pretending to be the solution here.

Let's get into it.

[00:01:00 - 00:02:00] Why we stay stuck and miserable
Welcome back to another episode of Stop the Burnout. I'm so excited Today we're jumping in and addressing challenges and situations that we all deal with on a daily basis. Honestly, obviously at work, but even just in life in general because. We tend to, if you listen to my episode last week, we tend to outsource our ability for things to change and then we say stay stuck, and then we stay miserable.

So I wanted to get today get into the reason why we do that, as well as like how to stop doing that. But to give you some real life examples. And I know that at least one of you out there has done at least one of these, if not all of them. Okay. Essentially what I'm talking about is fear really rules a lot of what we say and do or don't say and don't do, right?

[00:02:00 - 00:03:00] How fear-based thinking escalates quickly
And this is just human nature. So. Our brain is trying to keep us safe so it creates these situations or challenges that we. Tell ourselves like, well, if I do this, this could happen. Or if I don't do this could happen. And it's never a helpful thing. It's always well, if don't go triple check that drug calculation.

You could overdose them and then the owner's gonna be upset and that, you know, like, whoa, that escalated quickly. Yes, there are checks and balances, there's a. High what's the word I'm looking for? Like a high risk, if you will, and a small margin of error in medicine. But when we let this take over, this is where we end up, like literally driving ourselves crazy.

[00:03:00 - 00:04:00] Overthinking and mental exhaustion at night
And it's so exhausting because we have these fear-based patterns that are really driving the boat, if you will, but we're not. I'm very consciously aware of it. So things like overthinking. I think everyone in veterinary medicine has done this. So you're laying in your bed, it's two in the morning, and maybe you woke up because I don't know, your cat vomited, right? Or you're, you know, you hear that vomit noise. You're immediately not only awake, you're like alert, right?

Maybe you are. Captain puke, they were just making that noise. Now you're wide awake. And then immediately the first thing you start thinking about is that conversation you had yesterday with a client that seemed odd, seemed off left, you like overthinking, right?

[00:04:00 - 00:05:00] Replaying conversations and inability to shut off
And you can't turn your brain off and you just keep replaying these conversations and you're like, oh, great. It's, two in the morning. There's no coming back from this, right? Like you're gonna be up until you have to get up. So that obviously can be really exhausting Sometimes our brain likes to do this because we're trying to avoid missing something or fucking something up essentially.

And it thinks it's helping us. And the weird part is we think it is helping us too, right? We're gonna get into that. Another example is maybe you're in a situation

[00:05:00 - 00:06:00] Avoiding conflict and taking on too much
and. You know, you wanna say something, but you're not really sure if it's gonna be perceived or received well, and it could potentially cause conflict or the other person is gonna be upset and so you don't say anything at all, but you essentially continue to live with this frustrating situation.

Or maybe there are. Situations where you take on more work because, and I know I'm gonna call you out on this, I've done this so many times, but you take on more work because quote, it's just easier if I do it right, because this is also where our brain has. Essentially brainwashed ourselves into thinking that, well, if I do it now, right?

[00:06:00 - 00:07:00] Hypervigilance and all or nothing thinking
This was my logic. If I do it now, I know I'm gonna get it done the right way and I can get it done faster. So why the fuck wouldn't I do it? Why would I outsource it to someone else that I now have to explain it and then have the potential that they mess it up and I have to redo it and do it myself anyway.

So sure I get that. But again, that's a lot of mental exhaustion. And when we feel like we're always like, we have to be hypervigilant and we're always catching everything for other people. Like, oh, let me catch this mistake before it turns into something bad. We're never off, right? Our brain is always on, and that goes for at work, but also when we're not at work.

And so that can be extremely exhausting, not just like mentally and physically. Or excuse me, mentally and emotionally, but physically too, because it does take a lot of brain power. So the other aspect of this is we tend to get into this all or nothing thinking. So if we can't do something or something

[00:07:00 - 00:08:00] Perfectionism keeps you stuck
isn't gonna go, like we have, the awareness and confirmation that this is gonna go perfectly sometimes, then we don't do it at all. And then we stay. We stay stuck because we're frustrated, but we know if it's not gonna come out perfect, we don't do it, but we're still frustrated, right?

So essentially in those situations, there's some degree of fear that is dictating our thought process, our emotions, and then our actions, and essentially our outcome. And fear is an interesting thing because if you look at a, at it from a bigger perspective, fear is, I'm not gonna go into all the details, but let's just say fear has been for centuries, something that has been utilized to control people or groups of people, or

[00:08:00 - 00:09:00] Fear as a controlling force and internalized fear
however you wanna, put that in there, right? Because the fear of something happening. Is what can keep us obeying fear of global warming and the potential of outcomes if that happens. Right. And I'm not saying that's not that, it's not a real thing, but Right. It's just the fear. The fear of well, if we don't. Listen to so and so and follow this, then you don't know anything's possible, right? It's that fear and that's how.

You are controlled and you, by you, I mean as a collective, right? And it's been, like I said, centuries, that tactic, it's not something new. But what do you do when that fear is yourself? Your fear that's coming up is because of the things that you have told yourself that might happen.

Now, here's a caveat too, that I. I experienced myself, and I know some of my private coaching clients have too, but it's this fear of, well, what if this happens? What if that happens? But then what do you do when it does happen? And you're like, see, I fucking told you. I knew this was gonna happen and I should have listened to myself.

[00:09:00 - 00:10:00] Mental energy builds into resentment and burnout
It's like the one time. So we'll talk about that as well. But essentially we're talking about these fear-based patterns and how they. Leak into every aspect of our life, but they also keep us really stuck and exhausted. So what happens with that? When we're overthinking a situation or conversation, or we're double checking something, or quadruple checking something because we can't trust ourselves or we're not speaking up about something that is really frustrating us, all that.

Think of like all that mental energy and that thought process, right? That goes into that overthinking. So the example I gave you, you're up at 2:00 AM you're overthinking about that conversation and now you energy that you put towards that doesn't get resolved anywhere because we're not comfortable enough addressing it, and so we just sit.

[00:10:00 - 00:11:00] Unresolved thoughts create emotional pileups
And that energy has to go somewhere and, and honestly, that's where things like resentment builds up, right? Frustration, exhaustion, because there's no, it's like a five car pile up right on the highway. Maybe it's a one lane highway. It's all, it's, no, it's not going anywhere. The cars aren't going anywhere, so they just keep piling up behind one another.

Right? There's all that pressure, let alone. On the contrary, if you had a four lane highway and all those cars were just in their own lane, they're going in one direction, right? Things are moving smoothly, life is good. So we're stuck in that traffic jam because we're not comfortable essentially removing the block that will allow us to let that energy and that frustration flow.

[00:11:00 - 00:12:00] Fight or flight response and fear triggers
So what happens when that occurs? Is that, and if you've listened to my episodes before, you have heard me say this, but the fight or flight part of our brain, the amygdala that gets activated, right? And I would say that gets activated when we start saying things like, well, what if this happens? Well, what if this client, reports me to the board? Or what happens if this. Pet dies under anesthesia, right?

Which side note, if you are ever, your inner monologue is these quote unquote what ifs and they're questions it's probably the ego part of your brain trying to keep you safe, right? Because they're usually not very helpful questions because they. Elicit that fear and you're like, whoa, yeah, I wouldn't want that to happen.

[00:12:00 - 00:13:00] Prefrontal cortex shuts down under stress
I don't want the client to report me to the board. I don't want this pet to die. I mean, obviously, right? No one does, but it's that fear that is behind it that keeps us being hypervigilant and trying to prevent these things from happening so our amygdala gets activated. That's the fight or flight part of our brain and. We're our stress level right increases, our cortisol increases.

The problem is when that amygdala gets activated, our prefrontal cortex part of our brain. So this is the part of the brain that is responsible for executive function. So things like planning, emotional regulation, decision making, short term memory.

[00:13:00 - 00:14:00] Why You Can’t Think Clearly in High-Stress Moments

Challenging too, because even things like your short term memory goes to shit. So if you're stressed, if you've ever been in a situation where like maybe you had an interaction, like a conflict or whatever, and then hours or days later you think of something like really good that you should have said in that situation and.

You are like, that didn't even come to me during the moment. Yeah, because your brain is perceiving this as like a physical threat and you're not coming up with like witty remarks to say to this person, you're just trying not to die. That's what your brain is telling you. Okay. So give yourself a little bit of leeway here, right?

Like we're essentially trying to. Initially, it's gonna feel like we're pushing against what feels like a very natural response. And it is, but what we wanna show our brain is like, we're not actually gonna die. Okay. Even though it feels that way. And the crappy part is that when we have a situation where we do start to overthink and then.

[00:15:00–00:19:00] Fear-Based Loops and Overthinking

And the crappy part is that when we have a situation where we do start to overthink and then.

We overthink and I, I know I've mentioned this on episodes before, but we overthink and then our brain's like, like whatever the thing we are worried about doesn't happen. The fucked up part is that our brain, it, that's just like a feedback loop that reinforced that, Hey, it was okay to worry about this thing because when we did it didn't happen.

So if you've ever like worried, I, I know I've done this so many times, like maybe I did a surgery. Like, say it's a foreign body surgery and you know, it went, I won't even say routine 'cause I don't think any of those are routine, but it went as expected. The patient recovered from anesthesia, you know, you monitored, you discharged them, but then like for the next few days, you're like, can't sleep that great.

You're like, but what if maybe I forgot a sponge, even though we counted all of them, or I didn't even use them. Right? Or maybe I forgot an instrument even though I took an x-ray after and there's nothing in there. And. It's those thoughts that then we find out, we see the pet for recheck. They're eating, drinking, they're happy, life is good.

And you're like, oh yeah, he's doing good. No big deal. Like we so downplay the hours that we spent overthinking this. Process. And again, that is reinforcing that fear-based loop that hey, yeah, it actually was a really good thing that you freaked out, woke up at 2:00 AM overthought it for days on end.

Your stomach hurt, you couldn't eat, and then the dog was fine. See, so that is that's dirty trick, okay. Is what that is because how do you overcome that? If that's, we've even, because I used to think that meant like, and I had a cognitive. Conscious thought to say, oh, that means that that was a good thing to like, worry about that.

Because we think then next time, and I hate this 'cause I, I hear this a lot in therapy, you know, and this isn't every therapist by any means, but what I hate is when they're like, yeah, but what are the chances of that happening? I'm like. If it's anything beyond one 0%, then it's, I'm gonna worry about it.

So don't tell me to not worry about it, because now I'm worried about worrying about it even more. And we're trying to, what I wanna point out for you for that is we're trying to rationalize the irrational part of our brain is not gonna work. Okay. And that's why it does feel as heavy as it is and you can.

I've done this so many times. I can like logically look at a situation and be like, okay, it's probably like that pet's probably gonna be fine after anesthesia or after, you know, foreign body surgery. It seemed okay. Like I'm trying to logically my way through it. But then what do we always come back to at the end of that logical thinking?

We always are like. Yeah, but what if, right? So when we do stuff like that, it's, it's obviously, again, it's not super helpful, but we're reinforcing it and we think, especially if we're maybe earlier in our veterinary careers, that the more that we overthink something, then the more. Experience we have as time goes on, we have more reps under our belt, then it'll be less likely to happen or we'll feel more comfortable about it and it's not the case because yeah, that helps to a certain degree.

But again, those things, so say a bunch of foreign body surgeries that I've done, that the pets did fine, that is evidence, right? But we're showing our. Evidence only works if it's logical, right? But our illogical part of our brain is the one that's driving the the boat at this point. Okay? So that's why. It can feel like, oh my God, how long do I have to be in practice?

I've been in practice 10 years, 15 years, and I still feel that way. Is it 20? You know, is it the 20 year mark where I start to feel more confident? No, it has nothing to do honestly with that, with experience, yes, we can, again rationalize, but it's where we have to look at the thought process and again, what is really.

[00:19:00–00:22:00] When Veterinary Outcomes Feel Like Wild Cards

Driving those thoughts and emotions and actions, and it's that fear based. So essentially we learn to get comfortable with this thought process. And, you know, I, I don't know about you, but I feel like there's such a wild card in veterinary medicine because there's so many factors that we don't think about on a daily basis that happen.

Or excuse me, that we don't have control over that do influence outcomes. And I'll give you an example. Like I did a, I think I was doing like spay neuter for this low cost place and. Part of me was like, all right, this is cool. I liked surgery, got comfortable with it, but there was part of me that like wasn't comfortable.

'cause these were, these weren't shelter pets, they were owned, but it was a low cost facility. And I did a spay, honestly, can't remember the specifics, but I did a spay and the dog was fine, but it had bleeding. I dunno if it was just like, I mean, not like. It's gonna die right in front of us, but it was like oozing and it ended up going to its regular vet.

'cause we had already closed. I didn't know about this until after the fact, but the dog had a bleeding issue like a coagulopathy. And it didn't matter who did the surgery, right? Anyone's gonna cut that dog. It's gonna fucking bleed. And I come to find out the owner's like, oh, we just, found him a couple months ago on the side of the road, like they had no history.

So now I'm like, does he have a coagulopathy? Does he have an infectious disease that's affecting his clotting? Like there's so many, now that would cross my mind, but. It never came up like it was such a streamlined system, right? So I wasn't spending 45 minutes in an exam room getting a history myself on top of what my technicians did.

So it never came up in conversation. But I say that because we like to easily, I could look at myself and be like, what the fuck? Why didn't I, I don't know. Do better on the surgery or why didn't I ask that question? We can't know every single thing. And you would, you would've thought that would've come up in conversation.

Right? But anyway, so there's things like that we don't have control over, but we like to put it on ourselves that we do, and we should have been able to solve that problem. Or prevent it even. So that can be. Really a, a mental mind fuck, but really exhausting as well. Alright, so how do we solve this?

[00:22:00–00:25:00] Experiences That Stick in Your Memory

So these fear-based patterns are combination of, these patterns that we learn generally when we're younger, right? And we go through life. But I also think like on the veterinary side, there are situations and things that happen to us that we. Get lodged in our memory and we are looking at things through that lens.

Like another example I had I've had, it was a blocked cat and it had been unblocked by someone else and it was hospitals ho, excuse me, hospitalized. So I was, I dunno if I was working the day shift, the night shift, whatever, right? So I'm getting rounded on the case. Whatever. I think it was time to pull the urinary catheter.

So the doctor that had done the unblocking, like they're long gone, right? And I'm pulling and I'm like having a really hard time like this isn't, these suckers should come right out. Right? I think it was a red rubber. So we took an x-ray and I think I even had ultrasound back then. And I looked and I'm like, what the fuck is that?

Is that doing what I think like this urban myth that we hear of this motherfucker. Tied in a knot in the bladder, the red rubber. Okay. I'm like, I've heard about this. I've never seen it. I've never even met anyone that has experienced this. I'm like, what the fuck? Right? Somehow I like, it wasn't super tight.

I kind of went retrograde and gave it some slack. Whatever. I lucked the fuck out. And then another point in my career, same thing. I didn't place this one, but I was pulling a. Urinary catheter and I was like, this is a little tight, but it's moving. So I was like, okay, maybe this poor little guy just has a smaller urethra.

It's not, it's a little difficult to pull, but it's not getting stuck on anything. So I eventually, I pull the whole thing out and I look this. Red rubber urinary catheter folded back on itself. And when I pulled it out, I had two ends looking at me, right? 'cause I'm holding one. And the tip of the red rubber literally went up and around.

So I, I was like, first of all, ouch. Oh my God. But second of all, Miek was like, what the fuck? That was the freakiest thing. And I'm like, so N equals two for me, right? That weird shit happens. Is that gonna happen to the average person? No. But. You bet your ass that anytime I'm dealing with a urinary catheter that comes to mind.

Right. And I think that's okay. I think that we can utilize those examples and experiences, but we just have to keep everything in check. Okay. But, and I'm sure that you have your own similar examples of situations like that where someone's like, I've never heard of that. And they're like, I've seen two.

[00:25:00–00:28:00] Awareness and Understanding the Fear

Okay, so how do we solve this? Number one is, is the awareness, right? I, I know I always say this, but if you're listening to this and you're like, oh, this makes a lot of sense. Well now we're having awareness, right? So I would say anytime that you are. And we'll just use work as an example, but you can obviously experience this in any facet of your life.

You know, a lot of times when we're talking about stuff like this, it's not that this just is us at work, right? And then we go home and we're a completely different person. But probably this overthinking hyper vigilance. Hyperactive thought process is in every other aspect of our life, right?

Relationships. Oh my gosh, he didn't call me back. Was maybe I acted weird yesterday. Maybe I text too many times, right? Like it's, it's in every aspect of our lives, so we have to have awareness that it's happening. So I would say when you're having an emotion or feeling something, you're like, this feels.

Gross. Right? Like the anxiety the spiraling thoughts, the overthinking. That would be a great time to ask yourself, okay, hold on here. What am I actually worried about? And if it's in that example I gave earlier, you did a foreign body surgery and I'm worried that, the pet's gonna dehi.

Well, yes, sure. We would all be worried, but. I always am like, take it a couple steps further, but why? Well, I, you know, I want the pet to be okay. Yes. That's a given. Right. For me, a lot of it was, I always want the pet to be okay, but then it was, well the owner might get pissed at me and then if something happens, they're gonna have to pay more money.

And they already had trouble paying for the surgery and then we wouldn't be able to do another surgery. And now that's MyFu, right? Like we've just spiraled down the whatever. But ask yourself like, what is that fear? And trying to understand that a little bit more so that we can look at this from a different angle.

So that's number one.

[00:28:00–00:30:00] Small Changes and Self-Compassion

And then number two is we just, we make small changes. And I, I know I say this for a lot of things, but it's very true, right? Because you're not gonna wake up one day and say, well, I did a foreign body surgery. Good to go. I'm not gonna worry about it. That's just, the more that we tell ourselves not to worry about it, the more we worry about it.

Because there's some loop in our brain that's open that says We're not safe if we don't worry about it. So making small changes is important. So sometimes going through the process of like, okay, well I am worrying about it. How can I make this any easier on myself? Is it something where I can call a colleague who's working today and I'm off just to be, you know, and, and there's always a thought of like, is this reinforcing the fear?

But can you call and, can you text me an update on Fluffy. If the owner calls today, let me know how they did or whatever, right? But essentially giving ourselves like a little bit of evidence that it's okay, we're not gonna make huge jumps and leaps and bounds of going from freaking out, overthinking to being completely fine.

So it's gonna be a slower process, but we want to show ourselves that, truthfully. The more we worry, it doesn't actually prevent that from happening. However that looks for you, right? So gathering information is helpful. Making sure that those changes are like, again, you're not gonna go from worrying to just not worrying.

That's not gonna happen. But allow yourself to do it without the self, without the shame, and have some self-compassion because. There's nothing worse than overthinking and you know you're doing it. And then on top of that, you just get mad at yourself for overthinking and now you're frustrated, right?

It's just, it just compounds the problem. So just like watching a, ship on the horizon, it's coming from the left side, it's moving to the right side of your field of view, and it's just moving, right? It's there. I'm not gonna get mad at this ship that's there. I'm just gonna. Observe it and let it go, and that's okay.
This is the part of the brain that is challenging for those of us who are neurodivergent, specifically A DHD. And so it's not great on a good day and then add in this activated sense, right? And our prefrontal cortex really goes offline because it's like, Nope, this is like fight or flight because our, our body and our brain is perceiving. This situation as like a real physiological threat, or excuse me physical threat.

But we feel it physiologically, even though the threat isn't like, we're not really gonna die. It can feel that way. And so that's where our amygdala is like, Nope, like alarm bells, sirens. This is a problem.

[00:14:00 - 00:15:00] why you can’t think clearly in stressful moments
So the shitty part about that is when we get into that state, that's when, okay. Our decision making isn't great. Our emotional regulation isn't great, like all the things that we need in those examples that I gave where we're overthinking, we're double checking things, we're not addressing issues like we need all those things that our prefrontal cortex helps us with, but now it just like peaced out, so that's not really helpful and it can be really.

Challenging too, because even things like your short term memory goes to shit. So if you're stressed, if you've ever been in a situation where like maybe you had an interaction, like a conflict or whatever, and then hours or days later you think of something like really good that you should have said in that situation and. You are like, that didn't even come to me during the moment. Yeah, because your brain is perceiving this as like a physical threat and you're not coming up with like witty remarks to say to this person, you're just trying not to die. That's what your brain is telling you.

[00:15:00–00:19:00] Fear-Based Loops and Overthinking

And the crappy part is that when we have a situation where we do start to overthink and then.

We overthink and I, I know I've mentioned this on episodes before, but we overthink and then our brain's like, like whatever the thing we are worried about doesn't happen. The fucked up part is that our brain, it, that's just like a feedback loop that reinforced that, Hey, it was okay to worry about this thing because when we did it didn't happen.

So if you've ever like worried, I, I know I've done this so many times, like maybe I did a surgery. Like, say it's a foreign body surgery and you know, it went, I won't even say routine 'cause I don't think any of those are routine, but it went as expected. The patient recovered from anesthesia, you know, you monitored, you discharged them, but then like for the next few days, you're like, can't sleep that great.

You're like, but what if maybe I forgot a sponge, even though we counted all of them, or I didn't even use them. Right? Or maybe I forgot an instrument even though I took an x-ray after and there's nothing in there. And. It's those thoughts that then we find out, we see the pet for recheck. They're eating, drinking, they're happy, life is good.

And you're like, oh yeah, he's doing good. No big deal. Like we so downplay the hours that we spent overthinking this. Process. And again, that is reinforcing that fear-based loop that hey, yeah, it actually was a really good thing that you freaked out, woke up at 2:00 AM overthought it for days on end.

Your stomach hurt, you couldn't eat, and then the dog was fine. See, so that is that's dirty trick, okay. Is what that is because how do you overcome that? If that's, we've even, because I used to think that meant like, and I had a cognitive. Conscious thought to say, oh, that means that that was a good thing to like, worry about that.

Because we think then next time, and I hate this 'cause I, I hear this a lot in therapy, you know, and this isn't every therapist by any means, but what I hate is when they're like, yeah, but what are the chances of that happening? I'm like. If it's anything beyond one 0%, then it's, I'm gonna worry about it.

So don't tell me to not worry about it, because now I'm worried about worrying about it even more. And we're trying to, what I wanna point out for you for that is we're trying to rationalize the irrational part of our brain is not gonna work. Okay. And that's why it does feel as heavy as it is and you can.

I've done this so many times. I can like logically look at a situation and be like, okay, it's probably like that pet's probably gonna be fine after anesthesia or after, you know, foreign body surgery. It seemed okay. Like I'm trying to logically my way through it. But then what do we always come back to at the end of that logical thinking?

We always are like. Yeah, but what if, right? So when we do stuff like that, it's, it's obviously, again, it's not super helpful, but we're reinforcing it and we think, especially if we're maybe earlier in our veterinary careers, that the more that we overthink something, then the more. Experience we have as time goes on, we have more reps under our belt, then it'll be less likely to happen or we'll feel more comfortable about it and it's not the case because yeah, that helps to a certain degree.

But again, those things, so say a bunch of foreign body surgeries that I've done, that the pets did fine, that is evidence, right? But we're showing our. Evidence only works if it's logical, right? But our illogical part of our brain is the one that's driving the the boat at this point. Okay? So that's why. It can feel like, oh my God, how long do I have to be in practice?

I've been in practice 10 years, 15 years, and I still feel that way. Is it 20? You know, is it the 20 year mark where I start to feel more confident? No, it has nothing to do honestly with that, with experience, yes, we can, again rationalize, but it's where we have to look at the thought process and again, what is really.

[00:19:00–00:22:00] When Veterinary Outcomes Feel Like Wild Cards

Driving those thoughts and emotions and actions, and it's that fear based. So essentially we learn to get comfortable with this thought process. And, you know, I, I don't know about you, but I feel like there's such a wild card in veterinary medicine because there's so many factors that we don't think about on a daily basis that happen.

Or excuse me, that we don't have control over that do influence outcomes. And I'll give you an example. Like I did a, I think I was doing like spay neuter for this low cost place and. Part of me was like, all right, this is cool. I liked surgery, got comfortable with it, but there was part of me that like wasn't comfortable.

'cause these were, these weren't shelter pets, they were owned, but it was a low cost facility. And I did a spay, honestly, can't remember the specifics, but I did a spay and the dog was fine, but it had bleeding. I dunno if it was just like, I mean, not like. It's gonna die right in front of us, but it was like oozing and it ended up going to its regular vet.

'cause we had already closed. I didn't know about this until after the fact, but the dog had a bleeding issue like a coagulopathy. And it didn't matter who did the surgery, right? Anyone's gonna cut that dog. It's gonna fucking bleed. And I come to find out the owner's like, oh, we just, found him a couple months ago on the side of the road, like they had no history.

So now I'm like, does he have a coagulopathy? Does he have an infectious disease that's affecting his clotting? Like there's so many, now that would cross my mind, but. It never came up like it was such a streamlined system, right? So I wasn't spending 45 minutes in an exam room getting a history myself on top of what my technicians did.

So it never came up in conversation. But I say that because we like to easily, I could look at myself and be like, what the fuck? Why didn't I, I don't know. Do better on the surgery or why didn't I ask that question? We can't know every single thing. And you would, you would've thought that would've come up in conversation.

Right? But anyway, so there's things like that we don't have control over, but we like to put it on ourselves that we do, and we should have been able to solve that problem. Or prevent it even. So that can be. Really a, a mental mind fuck, but really exhausting as well. Alright, so how do we solve this?

[00:22:00–00:25:00] Experiences That Stick in Your Memory

So these fear-based patterns are combination of, these patterns that we learn generally when we're younger, right? And we go through life. But I also think like on the veterinary side, there are situations and things that happen to us that we. Get lodged in our memory and we are looking at things through that lens.

Like another example I had I've had, it was a blocked cat and it had been unblocked by someone else and it was hospitals ho, excuse me, hospitalized. So I was, I dunno if I was working the day shift, the night shift, whatever, right? So I'm getting rounded on the case. Whatever. I think it was time to pull the urinary catheter.

So the doctor that had done the unblocking, like they're long gone, right? And I'm pulling and I'm like having a really hard time like this isn't, these suckers should come right out. Right? I think it was a red rubber. So we took an x-ray and I think I even had ultrasound back then. And I looked and I'm like, what the fuck is that?

Is that doing what I think like this urban myth that we hear of this motherfucker. Tied in a knot in the bladder, the red rubber. Okay. I'm like, I've heard about this. I've never seen it. I've never even met anyone that has experienced this. I'm like, what the fuck? Right? Somehow I like, it wasn't super tight.

I kind of went retrograde and gave it some slack. Whatever. I lucked the fuck out. And then another point in my career, same thing. I didn't place this one, but I was pulling a. Urinary catheter and I was like, this is a little tight, but it's moving. So I was like, okay, maybe this poor little guy just has a smaller urethra.

It's not, it's a little difficult to pull, but it's not getting stuck on anything. So I eventually, I pull the whole thing out and I look this. Red rubber urinary catheter folded back on itself. And when I pulled it out, I had two ends looking at me, right? 'cause I'm holding one. And the tip of the red rubber literally went up and around.

So I, I was like, first of all, ouch. Oh my God. But second of all, Miek was like, what the fuck? That was the freakiest thing. And I'm like, so N equals two for me, right? That weird shit happens. Is that gonna happen to the average person? No. But. You bet your ass that anytime I'm dealing with a urinary catheter that comes to mind.

Right. And I think that's okay. I think that we can utilize those examples and experiences, but we just have to keep everything in check. Okay. But, and I'm sure that you have your own similar examples of situations like that where someone's like, I've never heard of that. And they're like, I've seen two.

[00:25:00–00:28:00] Awareness and Understanding the Fear

Okay, so how do we solve this? Number one is, is the awareness, right? I, I know I always say this, but if you're listening to this and you're like, oh, this makes a lot of sense. Well now we're having awareness, right? So I would say anytime that you are. And we'll just use work as an example, but you can obviously experience this in any facet of your life.

You know, a lot of times when we're talking about stuff like this, it's not that this just is us at work, right? And then we go home and we're a completely different person. But probably this overthinking hyper vigilance. Hyperactive thought process is in every other aspect of our life, right?

Relationships. Oh my gosh, he didn't call me back. Was maybe I acted weird yesterday. Maybe I text too many times, right? Like it's, it's in every aspect of our lives, so we have to have awareness that it's happening. So I would say when you're having an emotion or feeling something, you're like, this feels.

Gross. Right? Like the anxiety the spiraling thoughts, the overthinking. That would be a great time to ask yourself, okay, hold on here. What am I actually worried about? And if it's in that example I gave earlier, you did a foreign body surgery and I'm worried that, the pet's gonna dehi.

Well, yes, sure. We would all be worried, but. I always am like, take it a couple steps further, but why? Well, I, you know, I want the pet to be okay. Yes. That's a given. Right. For me, a lot of it was, I always want the pet to be okay, but then it was, well the owner might get pissed at me and then if something happens, they're gonna have to pay more money.

And they already had trouble paying for the surgery and then we wouldn't be able to do another surgery. And now that's MyFu, right? Like we've just spiraled down the whatever. But ask yourself like, what is that fear? And trying to understand that a little bit more so that we can look at this from a different angle.

So that's number one.

[00:28:00–00:30:00] Small Changes and Self-Compassion

And then number two is we just, we make small changes. And I, I know I say this for a lot of things, but it's very true, right? Because you're not gonna wake up one day and say, well, I did a foreign body surgery. Good to go. I'm not gonna worry about it. That's just, the more that we tell ourselves not to worry about it, the more we worry about it.

Because there's some loop in our brain that's open that says We're not safe if we don't worry about it. So making small changes is important. So sometimes going through the process of like, okay, well I am worrying about it. How can I make this any easier on myself? Is it something where I can call a colleague who's working today and I'm off just to be, you know, and, and there's always a thought of like, is this reinforcing the fear?

But can you call and, can you text me an update on Fluffy. If the owner calls today, let me know how they did or whatever, right? But essentially giving ourselves like a little bit of evidence that it's okay, we're not gonna make huge jumps and leaps and bounds of going from freaking out, overthinking to being completely fine.

So it's gonna be a slower process, but we want to show ourselves that, truthfully. The more we worry, it doesn't actually prevent that from happening. However that looks for you, right? So gathering information is helpful. Making sure that those changes are like, again, you're not gonna go from worrying to just not worrying.

That's not gonna happen. But allow yourself to do it without the self, without the shame, and have some self-compassion because. There's nothing worse than overthinking and you know you're doing it. And then on top of that, you just get mad at yourself for overthinking and now you're frustrated, right?

It's just, it just compounds the problem. So just like watching a, ship on the horizon, it's coming from the left side, it's moving to the right side of your field of view, and it's just moving, right? It's there. I'm not gonna get mad at this ship that's there. I'm just gonna. Observe it and let it go, and that's okay.

[00:30:00–00:33:00] When Fear Shapes Daily Work Stress

Weight out of those feelings and the those, um, questioning that we do for ourselves. So if you. Saw yourself in any of these examples or this really speaks to you. And I, like I said, I think this affects many of us in veterinary medicine, and it contributes to the stress, the overwhelm, the burnout.

But I also don't think it's realistic to have no expectations of that, right? It's just what do we do with that and how much do we allow those feelings to influence? How we think, feel, and act on a daily basis. And I know that I mentioned last week, but this is this example, right, of how to move through something like overthinking or that self-doubt is just one of those things that I am teaching in my brand new.

Group coaching mentorship program. And the focus for the program is really. Like in the clinic, things that exhaust us on an everyday basis. Right? So it goes right back to the fear-based things. Maybe it's a coworker who's just really rude and cold to you and they're challenging to work with and you think like, okay, I'm nice to them.

I can be civil, but this is really painful to have to work with them. Right? And maybe it affects the rest of the staff. How do you deal with that if you're not the person, like I talked about last week, if you're not the boss, right? You're not management, how do you move through that and do you have conversations with that person?

And if you do, what do you say?

[00:33:00–00:36:00] What the Mentorship Program Covers

And that's, that's like just a little piece of the pie that I'm going to be teaching in this group, mentorship, and I'm so super excited. It's a six month group mentorship, and it's for veterinary professionals only. So anyone in veterinary medicine is absolutely welcome, but our biggest focus is gonna be things like that.

How do you navigate that with a. Coworker or colleague, or maybe it's client interactions that, you feel like you can't win. The client's pissed this way, they're pissed that way. You're worrying about it all day. You're going home at night thinking about it. What if my boss fucking, you know, wants to fire me because I can't deal with this client or this client's upset.

Like, all of those things are what I'm going to be teaching and I'm, I just think it's. It's like, you know, we hear, and you've heard me say this a lot, but the self-care stuff, go for a walk, take a nap, get a massage. Yes, those things are fabulous, but that's not gonna help me deal with an upset client or help me stop overthinking about a form body case.

So that's what I'm, that's what the, this is like an elevated version of how do we actually move through burnout and break that cycle for once and for all. And it's situations like this.

[00:36:00–00:38:00] Who This Program Is and Isn’t For

So this is for you. You know, if you are someone who you really struggle to, maybe you know what you should say, right? To either clients or colleagues that are being rude, but you really struggle to say it because here comes that fear-based pattern. You worry the client might leave me a bad Google review or tell my boss that I'm awful.

This colleague is gonna go bad mouth me to, the er, whatever or, you know, I just feel so not comfortable having these conversations and maybe you feel uncomfortable, like, hey, they keep adding a bunch of add-ons or walk-in emergencies on my schedule and I feel like I've no say and it just keeps happening and I'm drowning.

Right. You don't have any time. Those are the situations that we're gonna. Work through, and I'm gonna coach you on not just like the thought process of what we say to ourselves, but also how do we have that conversation, right? And how do we have it so that we can say what we need to say and not be so focused on someone's response and reaction.

And it's like this should be like clinical practice 1 0 1. That should be the name of this, right? Because we all need this. And honestly, I wish I would've known this when I graduated school.

[00:38:00–00:41:00] Program Expectations and Private Mentorship Option

So it's not this program though, this group coaching program, it's not for you if, again, you want like a quick fix, this isn't a quick fix. We're re-changing how we've done things probably most of our lives and how we approach things. But the cool part about that is when we do that, we get lasting change.

But if you're looking for a quick fix, this is not it. And this isn't the program for you if you're not open to looking at your patterns and how you have. Approach situations and be open to doing things differently with that support. And then last but not least, this isn't the ideal program for you.

If you want, you know, with my, I look at like my one-on-one coaching clients, we talk about stuff like this, but we also. Talk about like actual clinical cases, how to approach that, all combined into one. And we get into the really deep rooted subconscious beliefs that I'm not, it's not, you're not able to really do that in a group setting.

So if you're looking for that, that's my private mentorship, which I have one spot left open if you're listening. If you do want that type of support, like the clinical support on, a lot of the challenges that I talked about today, but then there's that clinical piece, right? That is always in that and or you want to really rewire those deep.

Subconscious beliefs. That would be my private mentorship, and again, that's something that I have one spot left.

[00:41:00–End] How to Join and Closing

If you're interested in that, you can absolutely learn more. You can apply first and foremost. If you go to my website, the stress and burnout coach.com/application. But if you wanna know more about this group coaching, right now, have an open VIP wait list.

So you gotta get on the wait list and when you're on the wait list, you'll have early access to the group coaching program as well as I'm only. Having a certain number of people have the introductory price there too, and you also get some other exclusives. So get on the list, why wouldn't you?

You can grab the link for that list in the show notes, or you can visit my website, the stress and burnout coach.com/wait. Waitlist, W-A-I-T-L-I-S-T. And that will get you on there. And if you have questions about it, send me a DM too on Instagram. It's at dr. Period, Amber Parks and shoot away.

Send me that. Otherwise I am so excited. I'm gonna dive into more detail about that. But these are exactly the things that we're gonna tackle. And these are live calls. Nothing of this is a pre-canned thing. This is live calls that I'm teaching you and there's q and a and there's a bunch of other stuff into this program, so get on the list.

I hope to see you there and I will see you on the next episode.