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Stop the Burnout Podcast 

Episode 83:

“Just” Vet Med Burnout? Why Your Brain Makes Everything Feel So Personal (Part 3)

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You can handle a crashing patient like it’s no big deal, but “Can I see you in my office?” has you convinced you’re about to lose your job and end up homeless on the side of the road with your pets.

Or a client questions your recommendation, and suddenly you’re overexplaining to prove you know what you’re doing. You crush a busy shift on Monday, then wonder why writing one record feels like climbing Mount Everest another day.

What the hell is going on?

In the final part of this neurodivergence series, we’re talking about why everyday interactions can feel so personal, why people can leave you completely drained, and why your capacity doesn’t look the same every day.

I’m sharing how these scenarios showed up in my own veterinary career, plus practical ways to ease the mental and emotional whiplash so you can do your job without feeling defeated and exhausted.

Whether you’re neurodivergent, neurotypical, or still figuring it out, you’re not going to want to miss this one!

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

  • [~03:00] Why everyday client conversations can feel exhausting, even when no one is being particularly difficult.

  • [~13:00] How to separate what actually happened from what you’re assuming someone thinks about you.

  • [~16:00] How rejection sensitivity can show up when someone questions your recommendation, gives feedback, or asks to speak with you.

  • [~21:00] Ways to pause, settle yourself, and get clarification before reacting or jumping to the worst-case scenario.

  • [~31:00] How to use a “floor and ceiling” approach to adjust your expectations on days when your capacity is lower.

Key Takeaways:

  • [~05:00] Educating Isn’t the Same as Convincing: You can explain your recommendations and answer questions without making it your job to get every client completely on board.

  • [~08:00] Your “Customer Service Self” Takes Energy: Monitoring facial expressions, adjusting your tone, and trying to avoid being misunderstood can leave you drained.

  • [~14:00] Someone’s Pushback Doesn’t Define Your Competence: Get clear on your responsibilities so you can recognize when you’ve done your job, even if someone isn’t happy.

  • [~17:00] A Strong Reaction Doesn’t Tell You the Whole Story: Perceived criticism or rejection can feel intensely personal before you have the facts.

  • [~21:00] Pause Before You Fill In the Blanks: Give yourself room to settle, ask questions, and clarify what someone actually means.

  • [~24:00] Boundaries Include Letting People Be Disappointed: Practice saying no without immediately taking it back to make the discomfort disappear.

  • [~27:00] Your Most Productive Day Isn’t Your Everyday Baseline: Define a realistic floor that protects essential responsibilities and patient safety, and stop treating your ceiling as the minimum.

A Truth You Need to Hear:

“Just because you did everything on your highest-capacity day doesn’t mean you owe that version of yourself every damn day.”

Links mentioned:

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www.thestressandburnoutcoach.com

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S2 Episode 83 Transcript:

“Just” Vet Med Burnout? Why Your Brain Makes Everything Feel So Personal (Part 3)

[00:00] Why People, Emotions, and Expectations Feel Exhausting

[00:00:00] You can handle a crashing patient like a boss, but the second your manager asks to see you in their office, your heart races and you assume the worst. Some days you're crushing it. Others, writing a record or talking to a client about harm prevention feels like climbing Mount Everest. So in the final part of my neurodivergent series , we're breaking down why people, emotions, and expectations can be so exhausting and draining.

But also, I'm going to share the practical changes you can start doing today to reclaim your time, energy, and sanity. Let's get into it.

[~00:00] Welcome to Stop the Burnout

Welcome to Stop the Burnout, a podcast for veterinary professionals who love medicine but are exhausted by the people pressure, expectations, and the constant mental load that comes with it. If you've ever thought, "I shouldn't feel this drained doing something I care about," you're not alone, and you're definitely not broken.

I'm Dr. Amber Parks, a veterinarian turned stress and burnout coach, and here we talk about the stuff that no one taught us, like how to actually break the stress and burnout patterns once and for all, and how to stay in this profession without [00:01:00] losing yourself. You won't find bubble bath, toxic positivity, or self-care fluff pretending to be the solution here.

Let's get into it.

[~01:00] Part 3: Neurodivergence in Veterinary Medicine

All right. Welcome back to another episode of Stop the Burnout. So we're doing part three today of our three-part series on neurodivergence in veterinary medicine. And like I said before, before you scroll on, just take a listen because you very well might see yourself or hear yourself in some of these scenarios and situations which I did not know was neurodivergence for me.

Even if you're not diagnosed, it doesn't even register to you that neurodivergence is a thing. That doesn't necessarily mean that what I'm going over here is solely neuro- neurodivergent. There's a lot of crossover, but it just is helpful because I will go over some info on how to work through some of these common challenges that whether you're neurotypical or neurodivergent, we all have to [00:02:00] or have probably been experiencing at some point in our career.

So last last time we talked a little bit more about, or in part one, was more on, the constant interruptions, the task switching, why these, seemingly simple tasks feel so complicated, and what we can do to, get through that on an everyday approach. And then last week we talked about, my favorite, not really, but the sensory overload and things like barking dogs, ringing phones, the nonstop chaos, l- fluorescent lights, all the things that can cause us to become extremely irritable and overwhelmed very quickly and not realizing that those are the things that are contributing to it and it's not just what we're experiencing on an everyday.

So this episode we're gonna get into some more of overarching themes. So we're gonna zoom out a little bit [00:03:00] here, and I wanted to get into things that we hear a lot about in this profession. W- Again, whether you're neurodivergent, neurotypical, not really sure, doesn't really matter because these are probably very relatable scenarios and situations.

[~03:00] Loving Animals but Finding People Exhausting

So the first one that I think we've all experienced on some aspect is the thought of, "Okay, I really love animals, but people are exhausting," and this seemingly simple thing I'm trying to do every day, maybe it's, explaining a physical exam, maybe explaining, dental disease to a client, and you're like, "Why does this feel so exhausting, and why is this so difficult?"

So I always thought that people and certainly the longer you stay in the profession, I think the more you probably feel this, but I'm like, "Oh my gosh, this is just so exhausting. People don't get it. They're clueless." And yeah, there's definitely [00:04:00] that subset of people that are like that. But remember when we are always looking at the negatives and we believe a certain thing, we will only find evidence

This is the neuroscience behind it. We will only and always, until we know better, find evidence that supports that. So every client is going to be a drain for you. Every client is going to be difficult or feel difficult, even if they're not being difficult at all. So it can be really tough because we're trying to go to work, we're trying to help pets, but then there's like this barrier of the human factor.

So what happens and what I thought a lot of times was, "Oh my gosh, people, they just don't get it," which again, yes, there's a certain g- group that are definitely that is true. But again, statistically, it's probably not the majority necessarily, but it can feel that way when that is the lens that we're looking at those scenarios through.

[05:00] Educating Clients Without Convincing Them

[00:05:00] So what is the neuroscience behind this? Well, I mentioned it a little bit, but also we have to realize that if we're going into an exam room, for instance, and we're talking to a client, and maybe it's a wellness exam, but you know those wellness exams that are like, "Your pet's overweight. Your pet is

has really bad dental disease. It's arthritic. It's, not been on heartworm prevention," and you're like, "Oh my God, this should've been a pretty straightforward thing, and now I'm spending a lot of time talking to them." Maybe it's the same conversation you had last year. But it can feel very exhausting.

What I did not realize for many of this is that I was subconsciously trying to make sure that I was explaining everything correctly, that I was getting the client's buy-in that they understood everything, which you would probably say, "Well, yeah, that's what you should do. That's your job." And I would agree to a certain point.

So I've talked about this before, but when we can come from the [00:06:00] approach of I want to answer your questions and educate you, not from the approach of I have to convince you and push you to do this thing because that's what's best for your pet, because that never feels good, number one, and number two, it's incredibly exhausting, and I would argue you don't help any more pets than you think you are.

So what do I mean by that? Well, yes, there is a part of this that is the owner's responsibility, and I get it. It's very frustrating when we know what is gonna be best for the pet and the owners don't get it. But we have to look at it through the lens of, what ... Do they want to understand it? All of this takes a lot of mental energy.

So you've probably met clients or just people in general that don't really ... they're just sitting there, and they just wanna argue with you, and it doesn't matter what you say. You wanna, bang your head against a wall. Sometimes those are ones [00:07:00] that it's like, "This is what I recommend for your pet.

These are your next steps. Do you have questions? No? Excellent. Moving on." Or, "You do, but these are not pertinent questions. Moving on." So what I was doing was that I felt like I couldn't go on to the next appointment or whatever scenario it was, neck surgery, whatever, until I had clients like 100% bought in.

And you know the vibe, right? It's different than, "I just have a lot of questions." Great, let's talk about that, versus, "I just wanna sit here and argue that I don't think my pet needs a dental." So when we do this too, I didn't realize for myself that I was subconsciously tracking people's non-verbal cues, right?

I think a lot of us probably do this. So where are they looking? Do they frown while you're talking about something? Are they looking away? Are, is their body moved towards the door, like they're ready to [00:08:00] walk out the door, and you're like, "I haven't said my spiel yet"? And you're trying to, go through your checklist, but again, sometimes we're trying to give information that people really don't wanna receive, and you're like, "Well, then why are they there?"

I don't know. Million-dollar question. But you can do your due diligence, say what you need to say, and then it's up to them to take the bull by the horns and do what they need to do. I was expending a lot of energy hoping that the more I over explained, answered their questions, but it really wasn't answering questions.

[~08:00] Masking and Your Customer Service Self

It's more like back and forth that gets nowhere, that somehow that meant I was doing my job, and it isn't. Also, being autistic, ADHD, we tend to mask a lot, so we have this personality, if you will, or approach on how we talk to people that isn't our norm, but we've probably developed it over the years. And then when we [00:09:00] come out of maybe an exam room, we're like, "Ugh, all right, I'm back to, regular me," right?

I'll never forget when I was in high school and I was working at a veterinary practice, so I was like low man on the totem pole, right? And the owner of the practice was a veterinarian. It was a six-doctor practice, so it was pretty big, and he was like, "Hey, can you get so-and-so on the phone?" I'm like, "Okay," but he's , "Here.

The phone's right in front of me." It was in the office. "Can you just call them?" Which looking back, I would've been , "Fuck you. You call them." I didn't say that back then because I was a good girl. So I was like, "Sure." So I'm, really intimidated. This is, the owner of the practice who You know, working with the doctors, I felt a little uncomfortable, but then him, it's like, ugh, it's your boss, right?

And I didn't work with him specifically all the time, so that was a little more uncomfortable. So I'm like, okay. So I call and I'm like, "Hey, so and so, this is Amber from blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm gonna get Dr. So-and-So on the phone," or I'm... No, I said, "I'm calling on behalf of Dr. So-and-So." And so I [00:10:00] put them on hold, and I was like, "All right, they're on the phone."

He's like, "Wow, that was really professional." Okay, I was 17, first of all, right? Pulled that out of my ass. That's what I'm talking about. Where the fuck did I pull out, "On behalf of Dr. So-and-So"? I don't know if I've ever said those words before that day. What I'm saying is it was a show. I was masking.

I didn't even know it, right? Yes, I was trying to impress my boss. I didn't wanna look like an idiot. But I would never use that word. I would never say that to a client. So that takes a lot of energy, whether you're aware of it or not. Because I remember walking away feeling like, "Okay, moving on," right? It amped up my nervous system.

When you're doing that in every exam room or every time you're getting on the phone, that has a price and a mental and energetic price that we don't realize we pay. It's like one of my friends back in college, she would call my work once in [00:11:00] a while, and sometimes I would answer.

And she's "Oh my God your phone voice, your customer service voice." And I was like, "What? I have another customer service voice?" Yes, I definitely do because my parents had called the clinic, a few times and heard me and were like, "Amber, is that you?" So that's a thing. We do these without realizing it, but those cost us a lot of energy.

But we don't want to be perceived necessarily in a certain way. We want people to feel comfortable, probably 'cause maybe we never always felt comfortable. We want to make sure that we're not being misunderstood. God forbid, right? But that's crazy because statistically, we won't always be understood because that's just how life is.

So in this example, a lot of that neuroscience is because we're doing it from a place of subconsciously reading other people, what their tone of their voice is, the way they say things, where their body language, their non-verbal cues. [00:12:00] And we'll go into a little bit too, but if there's any sort of perceived criticism, then we feel like we have to, let me just keep explaining it and it'll be better, right?

All of that takes a lot of energy, and that's why too, we can come out of exam rooms and be like, "This person was an idiot," or, "They're a pain in my ass." And you know what? If you went to every exam room with the same idea of I have to do X, Y, and Z, and then when I do that, I've done my job, you might be surprised on how much energy that does save you, and capacity, more capacity that you have.

And it does. It takes practice. It's not gonna happen overnight, but that's because what you're doing now, my phone voice, didn't happen overnight either. So remember that our prefrontal cortex, especially for those of us that have ADHD, this is the part of our brain that is responsible for emotional regulation, planning, [00:13:00] strategizing, critical thinking, right?

We're, like, scanning the room. So- We have to, and I say we, like neurodivergent people, especially those with ADHD, our prefrontal cortex can go offline very easily or not be up to par, and it takes that much more energy for us to be on our A game for those certain tasks. So that costs energy, that costs capacity.

[~13:00] Separating Facts From Assumptions

So, how do we work through this? All right. So number one is because a lot of times we can create these stories in our head. So for example, maybe someone says why do you want to do blood work?" And I remember as a younger doctor being like, "Oh my God, because I'm s- that's the right thing to do, right?"

Immediately felt like, why are... they must think I'm an idiot. They think I'm this young doctor, I'm incompetent. When really I was like probably reading their tone, but I was going off of an assumption. So number one is what are the facts? Sometimes people just ask that because they truly don't know.[00:14:00]

[~14:00] Defining Your Job and Recognizing When You’ve Done It

So we have to look at what are the facts. Number two, what is your job? And I truly ask you to f- ask yourself this outside of work and not in the moment. But if you had a dog that came in, it was a puppy, had a broken leg, the people couldn't afford surgery. Like what is your job as a veterinarian? Is your job to pay for the surgery and take the pet home?

No, right? Have some of us done that? Probably, but that's what I mean. Find what is your job. You can always go above and beyond it if you choose, but when you know that you've met that minimum baseline of what is your job, what is your requirement to be an advocate for the pet and educate the client, and once you've done that, you're good.

Anything above and be- and over that you can do, but I don't want us to come out of that exam room and think we are sucking at our job, [00:15:00] that we're can never make anyone happy, right? We're always looking externally. It almost, I'm gonna say this, but explain it. It's not, doesn't matter how the other people or the other person takes your information.

Does it matter? Yes, we all wanna be liked. We wanna answer people's questions, but what I mean is don't allow other people's pushback to dictate how you feel about yourself and your capabilities. And that's why you always go back to did I do my job? Did I give them the facts? Did I answer their questions that were pertinent to what was going on?

If you did that, you did your job. And I know 99.9% of us probably go way above and be- o- and over that every single day. Again, you can do that. I just want you to recognize it can be costing you a lot of energy, and without us even knowing it, too. And I'm gonna talk a little bit more, my last example, on what that looks like.

[~16:00] When Questions and Feedback Feel Personal

Okay? So [00:16:00] I'm sure that's one we all resonate with. All right, second one here. Maybe you've had a technician or support team member, or maybe it was another doctor say are you sure you wanna send home that medication?" Or maybe your manager, receptionist comes back and says, "Hey, remember so-and-so from yesterday?

Yeah, they're now on the phone. They're not happy." Literally, I've never heard worse words in my life. I would want to Cut off my big toe instead of hearing that, those words. So what I felt was going on in those moments, not knowing any more information than what I just said, was like, "Oh my gosh, this is a huge deal, and I must have messed up."

[~17:00] Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

Or some people are like, "Ah, it's no big deal, right? You're being too sensitive. It's not a big deal. Just let it, just forget about it." And you're like, "Heh. That'd be great, but I can't." So [00:17:00] what was really going on is, and I had never heard this term until the last year or two, it's called rejection sensitive dysphoria, and it comes in all flavors and it looks different, dressed up as many things.

So what do I mean by that? Rejection sensitive dysphoria. This is a like almost overactive emotional response to actual or perceived rejection. I would love to take a vote. I'm sure 97% of us in this profession probably experience some degree of this. So what do I mean? This is that actual or perceived, it doesn't have to be like truth, but we feel it like this is truth.

Perceived rejection or maybe even criticism, disappointment, and it can feel like a full body reaction, like a visceral reaction. So [00:18:00] what is really happening is our amygdala, that's our fight or flight part of our brain, you guys have probably heard me talk about this before, but it is very much more touchy, on alert if you will, especially in ADHD.

Because when our amygdala takes over, our prefrontal cortex, all that executive functioning stuff is less available to us, including emotional regulation. So maybe you or someone else you've heard, like they'll, someone will say something to them and they'll fly off the handle and you're like, "Geez, like that escalated quickly."

So and so is on the phone and they're not happy, and maybe someone says, "Of course they're not happy. They were doing all these things. They were asking all these questions. They don't have any money. They're miserable people. I can't..." Whoa. That... Hold on. It went from zero to 100 very quick.

[~19:00] “Can I See You in My Office?”

So that can look like a lot of things though, and the same concept and idea [00:19:00] of, "Hey," manager comes up to you, "When you have a second, can I see you in my office?" Again, I'd rather cut off my big toe than hear those words. And then you go in there, you're shallow breathing, your heart rate's elevated, and they're like, "Hey, do you remember that case from last week?"

And you're still panicking, and you're like, "Yeah." "Do you remember if we used a 5 French or 3.5 French?" And you're like, "Ugh." You're deflated. You're like, "Hold on. Is that all you needed to know?" "Yeah, the inventory was off, I just wanted to make sure, and it wasn't in the record." And you're like "Okay, I thought 90 seconds ago that I was losing my job, I was gonna be homeless on the side of the road with my pets, and you're just asking me what size catheter we used?"

I laugh because I've done this, okay? I've been there, and I could... Honestly, I probably still would experience a similar reaction. So that can be that rejection sensitive dysphoria. This is not specific to neurodivergent [00:20:00] people. It can be in neurotypicals, but we do see it frequently in those who are neurodivergent, and it is just that very visceral feeling of rejection.

Now, the key thing is here, it can be actual rejection or it can be perceived. So in that example, I made up a whole scenario in my head that I was gonna lose my job and get in trouble for something, didn't know what it was, and I catastrophized, right? But it wasn't anything bad, but I perceived it, or the thing you always...

Constructive criticism, I fucking hate that term. There's nothing constructive. It doesn't feel constructive. I don't like hearing it, but I have to smile and nod and be professional, right? You know that. Same thing. So it's not rejection. Many times, especially if you're seeing this through the lens of, a third party, you're seeing another coworker coach the new coworker on, "Hey, there's a better way to do this."

[~21:00] Pausing and Regulating Before Responding

And you're like, "Oh, that was very, mild, neutral, no big deal." [00:21:00] But you know if you were on the receiving end, you would... It would ruin the rest of your day. So how do we get over this? Number one is we have to regulate our nervous system to some degree. So that visceral response, that heightened heart rate, shortened breathing, amygdala taking over, fight or flight, I'm gonna jump out of my skin, we need to, bring that down a notch because when that is activated, it is very hard to regulate our emotions, think critically, all those things.

So something that I like to do, and it's pretty quick. You don't even have to leave the area that you're in. But if you interlace your fingers, like we used to sit in second grade, maybe this was just my class. Interlace your fingers, and you're gonna sit up nice and tall, right?

And you're, like, cupping your hands. But take those interlaced fingers, put them on the back of your head so your elbows are up. I can't even believe I'm saying this, but it'd be like if you're like, "Hey, my armpits smell," and you're lifting your elbows up. Okay, getting a visual. [00:22:00] Keeping those interlaced fingers behind your head, just don't turn your head, but look to your right, pause a little bit, look to your left, pause.

Sometimes your body will naturally, like you'll sigh or release a little bit, and that does help your vagus nerve. So you can do that. You can do that while talking to a client. You can do that talking to your coworker. That can help bring it down a notch because we're not gonna be able to do anything helpful with this information or respond in a helpful way if we don't have more control of that nervous system.

So number one, regulate. Sometimes that means walking away, too. Not having a response right then and there. Unless something's actively dying, it probably doesn't need to be solved right then and there. Second thing is, going back to what I said before, let's look at the facts. So Maybe you need clarification.

[~23:00] Asking for Facts and Clarification

So [00:23:00] maybe your manager says, "Well, it wasn't written in the record," or you're like, "What, again, what size catheter do we use, three and a half or five?" And you're like, "Why are you asking me this? I need to know. It's not making sense in my brain." Asking. Ask for clarification because our brain is trying to fill in these holes that we don't have information for yet, and your brain, especially being in this activated fight or flight, is going to fill in these holes with not helpful information.

That's why between you hearing, "Hey, come meet me in my office," and the 20 steps it takes to walk there, you've already decided that you're living in a cardboard box on the side of the road with your pets. We need facts. So find out the facts so that your brain isn't trying to fill them in. And the other important part of getting or working through this rejection sensitive dysphoria, a side note, it's not gonna happen overnight.

[~24:00] Boundaries and Letting People Be Disappointed

You having rejection sensitive [00:24:00] dysphoria or some form of it didn't happen overnight either. So we want it to feel less heavy, less activating, and over time it will. It's not gonna go from, "Oh my gosh, I'm so activated," to, "I don't care," the next day. It's just not feasible So what does help though is tolerating people not being, not accommodating others.

So you might disappoint someone. You might say no to someone. Someone might be not happy with you just because they didn't get their way, and that lets people sit with rejection, and The cool part about that is two parts. One, you get to say no to something, but two, someone can experience rejection, and you can, you might wanna feel like, "Let me just remedy this.

I'm... Nevermind. I'll help you. I know I said no, but no, I'll help you." But no, when you sit with that, we take away some of that [00:25:00] sharpness of that feeling of being so activated when we feel criticized or rejected. So it's a slow process. So setting boundaries, that, that is part of that, is really, really helpful.

[~25:00] Send Your Vet Med Questions on Instagram

Okay, and the last one, and before we get into last one, going off of that topic, if rejection sensitive dysphoria is the first time you're hearing that, welcome. It will be very eye-opening for you, and as I always say, it's not a bad thing. Now that you know it, you can do something about it. If we don't know, then we can't fix it.

But if you're listening to this and you're like, "Whoa. Okay, hold on. Now I have all these questions because I don't know. Maybe this other situation that I experienced a couple weeks ago really felt like it was supposed to be constructive criticism, but now I don't know if it was, and I don't know how to take this, and I don't know how to respond," it's your lucky day.

I'm trying something new here. I want you to send me a DM [00:26:00] on Instagram. So if you don't follow me, make sure you follow me, so that way when you do send me a DM, it doesn't go into my request folder. So follow me at Dr, for doctor, period, Amber Parks, A-M-B-E-R P-A-R-K-S. Follow me on Instagram. Send me a message.

Is there a question? And it can be about neurodivergence, burnout, chronic stress, anything like that related to vet med Send me a question that you're like, "I don't know how to navigate this situation," or, "I wish I knew more about this thing and I don't know where to turn because I'm in a very nuanced situation.

My manager wants me to do X and I can't because of Y, but they think I'm being difficult." Whatever it is, send me a DM. I may answer your question on one of my upcoming podcast episodes, and I will do it anonymously. Obviously, if you send me a message, I will know it's you, but leave out names, identifying places or people, [00:27:00] or whatever feels very identifying in the scenario.

But send me a DM with your question, and I might answer it. So I am not gonna say anyone's name on the podcast episode. That's, doesn't... Even if you don't care, I'm not doing it. But send me a question. I wanna answer it. And especially if these, especially this episode is uncovering a lot of this for you, I definitely wanna give you clarity, and I'm guarantee if it's gonna give you clarity, it's gonna help someone else.

[~27:00] Why Your Capacity Changes From Day to Day

Grab the link for my Instagram. It's in the show notes. So click on it, follow me, send me a DM, and, yeah. Okay. Back to the last one here. I'm super excited, but please do that. Last one Why do we feel like the... And this is, I think many of us experience this, but some days we're on fire, we're killing it, we're, like, doing circles and getting all our stuff done in the day.

We're busy, we're tired, but we're like, "Damn, we are productive." And then the next day, you can't even do [00:28:00] half of that. And it can be a little bit of a mind fuck because you think, "Well, I did this three days ago, and I was very capable. Why can't I recreate this?" So I experience this so many times, especially being burnt out, and the ironic thing is the more you're burnt out, the more you experience this, and not the more you tend to rest, the more you tend to push because you said, "Well, I could do this last week.

Why can't I do it now?" And it can be very exhausting to push yourself when you don't have the capacity, but then we tend to shame ourselves for saying... And what I was thinking a lot of times was, "Geez, I'm just unmotivated. I'm lazy. I'm, like, losing my edge. What is going on here? I could do this on Monday, but by Friday, I can barely get through the day."

[~28:00] Stress, Sensory Load, and Pushing Past Capacity

So there is neuroscience behind this, and if you listen to my last episode, we talked about allostatic load. Essentially, [00:29:00] we do a lot of things subconsciously and consciously throughout the day that do take energy and our capacity. A lot of, the sensory things add to it, and we may not be aware. So bright lights, barking dogs, ringing phone, busy day, and then you go into a clinic that doesn't have fluorescent lights.

There's no barking dogs, but you have back-to-back appointments, but it doesn't feel as chaotic. A lot of times we're, we are taking in that sensory overload, but we're not really accom- accommodating for it So the neuroscience is that we actually reached capacity a long time ago, and then when we recognize, "I should be able to do this, I did this four days ago," we shame ourselves into being like, "We should do this.

I did it four days ago." We, a lot of times, will push ourselves, so we already are at capacity. We push ourselves past the point of that, and then some. So what does that do? It just makes our burnout worse. [00:30:00] It adds to that allostatic load. That's like our minimum required to take on the day, but it does add up over time, and it can be very challenging for those who have executive functioning challenges to begin with, like ADHD.

And also too, it can be very inconsistent. Here's the m- the brain messes with our brain because that the things of the prefrontal cortex, excuse me, so like task initiation, working memory, the planning, that critical thinking that I talked about, all of that can get affected by, this isn't gonna surprise you, but things like sleep, stress, your hormones, your cycle if you're female, and where you are in your cycle, whether you're Menstruating.

Why am I talking about this on this episode? But if you're menstruating, you're perimenopausal, you are menopausal, so all of that factors into that, that we do not give ourselves credit for. And [00:31:00] then we go into that shame spiral because we think, "Well, we did it before." And the tough part is it can be really hard to be like I can't do that today."

[~31:00] Using a Floor and Ceiling Approach

And someone's like, "But you did it three days ago." That is not yours to necessarily explain. How do we work through this? What I want you to realize is that there are... The- there was, like, a theory. I don't know who came up with this theory. I've heard it from several different people, so I don't know who was the original.

But where you have this floor and ceiling. So the floor is, your bare minimum Right? Your bare minimum to get through the day. So for work, that might be if you're a veterinarian, that's like getting ready for work, going to work, seeing appointments. Okay? Your ceiling might be getting ready, maybe went to the gym, came home, got ready for work, went to work, saw appointments, did some surgeries, did some callbacks, did some research on some cases, saw more appointments, right?

That could be everyone's day. It probably is everyone's day, actually. But [00:32:00] maybe that's your full capacity. Nothing is meant to run at 100% full capacity indefinitely. Look at an engine. If you had it revving at, I don't know, 6,000 RPMs forever, do you think it would die out after a while? Yeah. If you went right up to the red line, maybe right before the red line, it isn't just gonna go forever.

Even if you put gas in it, eventually something is gonna break. You are the same way, and we have to start looking at that of, "Ugh, what is my capacity today?" And sometimes those days where we're more on the floor, like we're closer to the floor level, we have to delegate. We put stuff off that we might tell ourselves is important, but if it's not life or death, and you told the client you'll call by the end of the week and you really wanted to call them today, it's Thursday, but you are gonna be there tomorrow, you're like, "I'll just put it off till tomorrow," or you have someone else call for you to gather more [00:33:00] information.

[~33:00] Defining a Floor That Keeps Everyone Safe

We have to know, though, this is the part of the solution. We have to know what our floor is before we hit it. What is your floor that can get you through the day? So your floor isn't gonna be, "Let me start a cat spay. Don't really feel like finishing it," and then walking out halfway through the surgery, right?

That's not gonna work. So you have to find out what's your bare minimum that will obviously keep your patients safe, your coworkers, yourself safe, but will get you through the day. It might not be your 110% perfect self. Maybe that's using a lot of templates so you can plug and play. Maybe that's, "Oh, we always email the clients their medical records."

Maybe they don't get them before the end of the day. Maybe it takes a couple days, and I know there's certain laws about that. But that's what I want you to start looking. Where are these holes that I can gather some time and energy back when I am at a bare minimum? And what does a floor look like?

And then what does your ceiling look like? Because your ceiling [00:34:00] You have to look at it through, are we doing this through the lens of being a perfectionist and making sure that we do everything right because we can't trust anyone else to do it? So that's a different way to look at it as well. But once we find our floor and our ceiling, you can use this in your personal life too.

[~34:00] Adjusting Expectations in Your Personal Life

It's your day off. You want to clean your entire house and do laundry, but you find yourself stuck on the couch shaming yourself because I should do all these things and I'm a bad mom and I'm a bad pet owner and et cetera, et cetera. Okay. And guys, I still do this with myself. I will have to have a literal conversation and say, all right, I'm exhausted.

Like I really recognize I'm exhausted today. And then usually a little voice comes in. Yeah, but I wanted to do X, Y, and Z. We can do it for a little bit. And then I have to go back and forth a little bit and eventually I'll carve out what works for me. Okay, you know what? One little laundry. That's it.

I give myself time to rest today, even though it's going to stress me [00:35:00] out that my house isn't cleaned and the clothes aren't put away. I'm okay with that. Like I literally still have to go through that and that's okay. That is healthy to do because you have to recognize it. So I think that is such a useful thing that we can use in work and in life in general to adjust based on how we're feeling.

Because sometimes we wake up and we feel like we had three Celsius and we could run through the day. And sometimes we wake up, we've had four coffees and we're not really sure what day of the week it is. And that's okay too. So all of that to say, yes, a lot of those characteristics can be neurodivergent, but we can see this in neurotypicals too.

And I just plainly think that there's a lot of us in veterinary medicine that are neurodivergent, whether we are diagnosed, aware or not. It doesn't really matter. It's like what will get us through the day and how can I approach it so that I'm not a shell of myself at the end of the day? [00:36:00] All right, guys, that's what I have for you.

[~36:00] Share Your Question for a Future Episode

And real quick, again, I'm trying something new. Just make sure you follow me on Instagram. Send me a DM. What is your burnout, stress, vet med question around anything that you really want some guidance on? And I will, I might pick it to answer on an upcoming podcast episode. And you can share this with your vet med bestie if they're going through something and you're like, I feel bad for them.

I don't really know how to support them. Send them this podcast episode and send them to my Instagram. Have them follow me so it doesn't go into my request folder and send me that DM. Again, I will say the question and answer it potentially on my next podcast episode. I will keep everything anonymous. So things like people, places, specifics, you probably just want to take those out of the equation.

But if you're really looking for some guidance, I would love to help you there. So all right, guys, thanks for listening and I will see you on the next episode.