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Stop the Burnout Podcast 

Epi 43:

Breaking the Burnout Cycle (Part II): What to Expect When You’re Healing Burnout

Listen HERE

If you’re trying to heal from burnout but still feel stressed and exhausted, you'll want to listen to this one.

Burnout recovery isn’t linear, and feeling better doesn’t happen overnight. In this episode, we talk about what’s realistic to expect, how stress starts to ease when you change how you process it, and why healing can feel uncomfortable without being wrong.

In Part II of Breaking the Burnout Cycle, Dr. Amber Parks breaks down what healing burnout actually looks like for veterinary professionals. Not the Instagram version or a quick fix, but the real process of recognizing patterns, navigating guilt, and choosing differently without chasing a finish line.

This episode is especially for veterinary professionals worn down by people-pleasing, emotional labor, and the belief that being a good doctor or technician requires self-sacrifice. You’ll learn how to recognize real progress, even when it doesn’t feel dramatic.

 

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

  • [02:30] Why burnout healing isn’t about reaching a finish line (and why chasing one keeps you stuck)

  • [05:00] How high achievers miss early signs of healing because they expect dramatic change

  • [07:10] What recognizing patterns in real time actually looks like

  • [09:45] Why awareness is the first (and hardest) step to breaking the cycle

  • [13:00] How emotional intensity decreases before circumstances change

  • [15:00] The guilt phase of healing (& why it can pull you back into burnout)

  • [17:20] Real veterinary exam room examples of boundary guilt and over-explaining

  • [22:00] How choosing differently (even while feeling guilty) is a large part of what rewires the cycle

  • [32:00] Identity, imposter syndrome, and why being “good at coping” keeps burnout alive

  • [36:00] Why discomfort doesn’t mean something is wrong, it means you’re no longer in survival mode

 

Key Takeaways:

  • Healing burnout is not a one-time achievement—it’s a process of repeated, conscious choices
  • Feeling less triggered before things change externally is a sign you’re healing
  • Guilt is not a sign you’re doing something wrong—it’s often proof you’re breaking a pattern
  • Awareness alone creates space for change, even before action feels easy

 

A Truth You Need to Hear:

“Just because something feels uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It usually means you’re no longer operating from survival mode.”

 

Links mentioned:

Click HERE to apply for your complimentary Burnout Breakthrough Session!

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S2 Epi 43 Transcript: Breaking the Burnout Cycle (Part II): What to Expect When You’re Healing Burnout

 

[00:00]

Welcome to Stop the Burnout, a podcast for veterinary professionals who love medicine but are exhausted by the people, pressure, expectations, and the constant mental loads that comes with it. If you've ever thought I shouldn't feel this strain doing something I care about, you're not alone and you're definitely not broken. I'm Doctor Amber Parks, a veterinarian turned stress and burnout coach, and here we talk about the stuff that no one taught us, like how to actually break the stress and burnout patterns once and for all and how to stay in this profession without losing yourself. You won't find bubble baths, toxic positivity, or self-care fluff pretending to be the solution here. Let's get into it.

[00:33]

Hey, just wanted to pop in here real quick before our episode. The day this episode launches, which is January 15th, that's a Thursday. This is the last day for my 2025 pricing for my Vet Med Healing Intensive session. This is a private 90 minute session with me where we rewire these patterns that have been keeping you stuck for years, even decades. These are the same patterns that I talked about last week in Part 1 and also what I'll be talking about this week. So if you're interested, check the show notes below for that link. It is good until the end of the day, January 15th to purchase and you have up to 60 days so until March 15th to actually book and complete that session. OK, here you go.

[01:12]

OK, welcome back to another episode of Stop the Burnout. Today is Part 2 of our two-part series on Breaking the Burnout Cycle. And side note, I am playing with audio and I'm using a different program so I know last week's wasn't that great. This will probably sound a little bit different, so I'm making some changes and ordering some new equipment too. So you might hear a little bit different essentially. And also today my dog is softly snoring in the background. I'm not waking him up and we're just going to go with it.

So I really enjoyed doing last week's Part 1 because we talked about the cycles that I think are not talked about enough or even aware of enough, especially in veterinary medicine. And I see it, it doesn't even matter the practice, the type of practice, the support staff. There are a lot of underlying similarities that I see in many different practices that I've been to.

And these are these patterns that a lot of us, I think, have been living our life through. Things like having trouble setting boundaries and maybe these people pleasing tendencies, perfectionism. All of these things are lenses that we kind of view our life, but definitely our jobs and careers through.

So last week we talked about breaking that cycle and today we're going to kind of talk about the end part of that. And if you haven't heard Part 1, definitely go back and take a listen. It lays a really good foundation for what we're continuing to build on in today's episode.

[03:00]

So to talk about these cycles and these patterns, what I think we kind of get hung up on is like many of us, just human nature, we are like, OK, that sounds great. But like, what's the end result? Like how do I get to the finish line?

And truthfully, there's two reasons for that. One is because I think a lot of our societal programming has focused us on like the end result, the finish line, and essentially achievement, right? So we are always striving to like get to that place.

The other part is that most of the time if we're burnt out, we're stressed and we're overwhelmed, we just want to get to that finish line because in our mind, that finish line is where we can actually have peace and we can be quote unquote healed. And we think that we won't have to deal with these patterns or stressful situations again.

And I think I've mentioned this in other episodes, and if you've ever done any coaching with me, I've probably said it to you, but this is not something where when we're healing things like burnout and stress, we don't necessarily just like get to the finish line, get a certificate of completion and then we're good.

We're just like, life is good. It is a never ending path that we go down. And I tell people that because then we can like take a breath for a second and not feel like we have to continually rush to the next thing and not be able to enjoy where we're at because we're trying to get to the end endpoint.

[04:57]

And so that's why healing burnout, I have found for myself and for my clients, is a lot of times—and I think it's probably, I don't know if it's just because we're all high achievers and we tend to not seek help or think that we need help until we like are really miserable, right?

And I think it comes because a lot of it is like we help people and that's like in our personal life and our professional life. And so we're like, I think for anyone that's listening to this, we're probably, you are probably, a lot of us are those people that people come to with a problem, right?

And you help them solve it. Or you find a solution. And you're a caregiver and you're compassionate and you are like a rock for a lot of people. And that's looking awesome. Like that's probably why you are in this profession and why you are doing well on the external.

But I think we have to also realize that it is not something where we have to continually do that in order to be worthy.

[06:11]

So where am I going with this? All right, so I want to talk about what this actually looks like, right? We hear all like the glitzy, pretty stuff and see it on social media, but like what is when we make these changes and we break these cycles, like what does this look like in real life?

And I will give you some examples that I've experienced and I've kind of seen with my clients as well because it's not again, it's not that quick overnight necessarily solution. You'll feel better, but it's that journey that we go on.

And so like many things, right, like this is the start of 2026 and a lot of times we are like, all right, 2026, like it's a new year. We're going to start with all this stuff and we forget to look behind us to see how far we've come.

And it can be very exhausting to always be focusing on like, OK, what's this next hurdle?

[07:11]

So especially when things happen with healing and breaking these cycles, when they happen in a slow manner, it can feel like it's not doing anything or like we're not moving along as quickly as we want.

And I want to share that that's totally not the case. And sometimes we only know that by reflecting backwards.

So when we break some of these cycles—so if we have trouble saying no to again, like I usually talk about professional life, career, but this is anything, right? Like this can be in our personal life.

But when we have trouble setting boundaries even with like clients or coworkers, management, maybe you're really pushy friend that is always wanting you to hang out and do X, Y, and Z, but you're so tired, you just are too exhausted.

[08:05]

So when we start to heal that cycle of having trouble setting boundaries, what that can look like is recognizing these patterns automatically as they're happening.

Because generally if we knew that these patterns were something that we were exhibiting, then we would have changed it by now, right?

But we don't know what we don't know.

So as we start to do some of this healing work, we realize that when we're in a situation, you can start to recognize like, OK, these are the feelings that I'm having.

Maybe management is asking me to do something that's outside of my job description, which side note, I could do a whole episode on that. But that's not necessarily wrong, right? It just—there's a lot of nuance to that.

[09:34]

Is this something that's been expected of you? You haven't been told this is your job description. It really isn't your job description, but you feel guilty for saying no.

But when we recognize those patterns, we automatically start to see, oh OK, this is what's going on.

So in a situation like that, maybe you start to think, OK, I'm getting a little angry or upset or I'm feeling uncomfortable because management just asked me to do something.

But what we don't realize is that again, it's a slow process, but just having that recognition that it's happening is huge.

Again, we don't know what we don't know.

[10:02]

So when we start to heal, we recognize these patterns coming up. And I always tell my clients, like there's in general, there's steps to healing, but the first one is just recognizing it and having awareness that it's happening.

So when we start to heal these patterns, we really pick up on them very quickly.

And I don't know if it's the sciency part of me or maybe it's like trauma, but I like to look at this from like a third-party view.

But when I'm in a situation like that and I start to have these feelings, I like to psychoanalyze myself a little bit.

And I honestly don't know if that's healthy for myself. I can do it with my clients, but personally I like to look at it as, OK, I feel like shit right now. Why?

[11:02]

Like this person just asked me to do this thing and I'm fucking annoyed. Like my first question to myself is why?

And I start to realize like, oh OK, they're asking me to do something. I'm kind of pissed off because this isn't my job and I did it once or twice to be helpful and now they think that I'm going to do it all the time.

And recognizing that pattern is huge.

And also what I like to do is to look at it from the other person's perspective.

Now this is hard to do if you are still like in that really dark place and you're exhausted and you're just really freaking burnt out and you're like, I just want to go home and sleep for a week.

But what is really helpful is when you can start to think in the other person's perspective.

[11:23]

It almost gives you like a one up on how to approach the problem. And there's a lot of nuance to that, right?

But like in the situation that I'm describing, I would think to myself, OK, I'm fucking annoyed that they just asked me to do this thing. But like, where are they coming from?

And so that could look like anything. I could start to think, well, maybe that person that does this task isn't here today and they just assume that I'll do it. Or, oh yeah, they probably don't even know that I told them I don't do this task anymore. And the other manager never told them that we had this conversation.

You know what I mean? Like trying to look at it very objectively.

Because it helps me break down how I'm feeling and recognizing.

[12:11]

The emotions that are coming up, I don't like to say what's logical because our emotions are never really logical, right?

And it's anything that like if you're having an emotion, it doesn't matter what that emotion is, it's valid, right?

Like maybe someone else can't see where you're coming from, but that doesn't mean that you're not having that experience.

Maybe management would look at me and say, why does she even pissed off? That's stupid.

That doesn't mean that me being pissed off is invalid or wrong is what I'm trying to come from.

[12:52]

So really seeing that from another perspective because then I can kind of like reverse engineer into the solution that I want too.

But this is really interesting because as we start to heal these cycles, you'll start to do this kind of automatically.

And the next part that I tend to see is that you see little changes.

Like as you're doing that process and you're kind of like asking yourself, wait a minute, why am I so pissed and then you're thinking like, why is this other person, like what are they thinking or feeling?

And you start to realize in many ways that what used to really piss you off is not pissing you off to the extent that it used to.

[13:34]

Now I used to think that, totally honest, I hope you guys laugh, I used to think like, oh my God, I'm a real fucking bitch.

Like not externally, but I felt angry, upset, irritable for all the emotions that I had in my head and all the things that I would say internally.

Like does this fucking manager, does she have a fucking clue? Like does she even know how hard this job is?

You know what I mean? Like you're just really stressed out.

And I used to think that I was just like a horrible person.

[14:26]

Like, oh my God, I must be a bitch.

Never really externalized a lot of those, which is honestly part of the problem.

But as we start to heal that like internal dialogue, I know for myself, it got turned down a lot and I was able to look at situations much more analytically.

Deal with emotion, but realizing like, hold on, let's get this into perspective because maybe it's not as bad as it feels because there's just my emotions, right, coming in with it.

So you'll start to notice that things don't feel as intense and obviously in a good way.

[15:00]

The fun part here is that we tend to, you'll have like I call it like the healing arc, if you will.

So we start to feel a little bit better. You're like, OK, things aren't triggering me as much.

And then comes in that fucking guilt, OK, which we've probably all experienced it, which is why we continually stay in these cycles.

Because it's like for what I was talking about, if someone is asking me to do a certain task and it's not really my job description, then I start to think like, oh, I can just help them, it'll be really quick and I'm a shitty person if I don't.

And I start to feel guilty.

[15:58]

And so you can see how that cycle, when we feel that way and we don't know how to break it, we just keep on looping.

And we just go right back to all right, I'll help you do it.

And you help someone do the thing, but they don't know this whole thing that went on in your brain and how much you're irritated and miserable.

So it definitely is why like that's a huge point is when we can recognize the guilt, but then we choose differently.

We don't choose to continue that cycle.

We choose to recognize the guilt, but we kind of let it ride.

That's like how I would describe it.

[16:17]

An example of this would be, and this is something that I’m so curious—actually send me a DM on Instagram if you guys have experienced this—but have you ever had a day and it’s, I was going to say it’s stressful, but it’s probably a rocking day in vet med.

But if you ever had a day and you’re like, there’s a lot going on. You’re bouncing back and forth. Maybe you’re in and out of exam rooms and things are going like you’re moving along, but there’s a lot going on, right? A lot of moving parts.

And then you go into an exam room with a client. Maybe it’s a new client, always tends to be a new client, I don’t know why.

And the best part is it’s probably like a second opinion or it is a new client with a pet that you’ve never seen before and so you don’t know a whole lot about its history and it has a medical issue.

[17:14]

And you make recommendations and this client feels like—here’s the thing is like I feel like the ones I’ve experienced are nice. They’re nice, but then they’re like, I can’t do that, you know, I can’t do X, Y, and Z treatment that you’re recommending.

And we get into like this spiral of this is—this is why my support staff are fucking amazing.

They will save your ass so many times because I’ve been in those cases that this client again, they’re new usually, so now I’m like over explaining things to obviously educate them. That’s my first goal.

But then I also get to the point that I feel like I can’t tell you anything more. You need to make the decision for your pet’s treatment based on what is going to fit for you and your pet, right?

Like I can’t make that decision for you.

[18:00]

And I’ve gotten sucked into exam rooms where we are just going in circles with, OK, so what do you think is best?

And then you tell them and the client’s like, OK, I understand, I can’t do that.

And you’re like, OK, here’s option B.

And they’re like, well what if that—like we just don’t really make any sort of headway.

And I’ve been in those situations that I’m in the exam room and I am like, I got to get out of the exam room.

I have obviously felt like really bad and guilty, but I’m also thinking in my head, I haven’t told you any more new information, right?

[18:59]

Like we’re just rehashing the old things.

And in addition to that, this isn’t a decision where honestly you need me as a doctor because you have the information.

You just as a pet owner now need to make that decision that is best for you and your pet.

And I get that comes back and forth, like some people have to have that conversation to determine that.

But when it gets to the point that it’s really exhaustive, I start to like—I'll get—I'll kind of like, OK, let me get my technician.

Because a lot of times, right, money comes into play.

[19:23]

I’m like, let me get my technician to get some numbers for you.

Side note, that is the best thing you can do. Even if you’re a practice owner, have your technicians handle the money aspect.

Which I know for many hospitals, that’s the work that we do.

But what that does for me is one, it’s my out of the room, especially if I have a client that keeps talking and I’m three appointments behind.

That will be my out.

[20:03]

And I was at a relief hospital one time and I was talking to a client and I’m making recommendations and I’m like, OK, well how much is the X-ray?

And I’m like, well let me get some numbers for you.

My technician’s in the room and she’s like—it’s, you know, says the price.

And afterwards we went out of the room and she was like, hey, just so you know, don’t ever do that.

In a very nice way, she said it.

And I said, that’s my out.

[20:48]

Like that’s me getting out of the exam room so you can go back in and have that conversation.

Because then it just becomes a money conversation.

And again, my support staff—and you can train them and you can do this in a way like even if you’re doing relief work and you’ve never worked with these people before—but you can train them to go in and have that conversation.

So sorry, we’re off on fucking left field.

[21:18]

But the reason why I say that is because I would start to feel guilty in these situations.

So like the owner decides to do whatever plan and we have a plan.

Maybe it’s like the next step is blood work.

We’re going to send it out.

So I’m like two appointments later and the client’s still there.

And I check in with my technician—hey, you know, what have they decided?

All right, they’re going to do blood work, we’ll send it out and then we’ll see what those results are, go from there.

[21:18]

And there’s a part of me that starts to feel guilty that I should have just for some reason stayed in there the entire time, had that conversation even though I already had it. Like I have to sit there and over explain and that for some reason, like I’m a bad doctor if I don’t.

And it got to the point though, when I was very burnt out, that I literally didn’t have a shred of energy to do that.

So I almost like forced myself to stop doing that.

But the guilt that came with that, because I wasn’t that over explaining or like bending over backwards or, you know, and I’m saying this from like, these are clients that were nice. They returned, they were happy, right?

So it’s like, but in my mind, I felt like they needed to have this let me roll out the red carpet and let me hold your hand and we’re going to have a three hour appointment and I’m just going to sit on the floor and casually chat and ask you about, you know, your life story.

Like it’s almost like I felt bad that I didn’t do that.

[22:06]

So that’s where guilt can come in.

But then I have to think objectively. Did I do my job as a doctor? Yes.

I made my recommendations. I answered their questions.

Now it just is up to them to make that decision.

So that’s where that cycle gets broken.

If I wanted to continue really fucking burnout cycle, I would have just gone back in that room, continually had that conversation, probably got another two more appointments behind, and now this client is talking my ear off.

[22:36]

The other part of that too is there have been times that my technician will come out and be like, so they have a question about X, Y, and Z.

And I’m like, depending on how—really what that question is, a lot of times I will send my technician in with the answer unless it’s really convoluted and it’s a multi-part question.

Because again, if I go in there, I’m going to be stuck having the same conversation.

So that’s like—that showed up for me a lot.

And I’m so curious if you guys have experienced that.

[23:00]

But that’s where the guilt comes in, where I should be over explaining.

I should be like fucking holding their hand.

I don’t know.

And when we can break that cycle, that’s another step to show us that like we’re healing.

But it’s funny because when we start to heal, a lot of times something feels uncomfortable.

And just because something feels uncomfortable doesn’t mean that it’s wrong.

It’s just something we’re not experienced or used to experiencing.

[24:00]

So we’re again, we’re kind of coming off that survival mode too.

So taking this into consideration, I wanted to do this episode and close out with the idea that breaking the cycle is truly like the foundation of how we heal burnout and how we really stop these cycles from continuing to essentially run our life and our career.

[32:00]

You know, I feel like I got relatively decent at coping in the sense that I could walk into any hospital as a relief doctor or work with just about any team.

There might have been things going on in my head that weren’t like real nice, that I was like what the hell is going on here, like this is a clusterfuck, but I can work through it.

But it really did become my identity because I got decently good at it.

Still stressed me out. Still had imposter syndrome. Still had challenging cases.

But I was like, oh, I can do this.

[33:01]

And then as I started doing coaching and really falling in love with it, I still liked the science behind the medicine, but I just didn’t feel as much of that pull that I had in the past.

And so probably some of that is the ADHD.

But what’s interesting is that identity and it’s people in the profession too.

So I actually left clinical practice at the end of 2024.

[35:56]

Just because something feels uncomfortable doesn’t mean that it’s wrong.

It’s just something we’re not experienced or used to experiencing.

So we’re again, we’re kind of coming off that survival mode too.

[36:14]

So if you’re like, OK, this is very interesting, I’ve never really seen this approach to burnout, the reprogramming and rewiring, as I mentioned is what I do with my one-on-one clients.

So also before we kind of jump into that, I have kind of the next step if you’re interested.

I have a free masterclass on Saturday, February 7th at 11 AM via Zoom.

And in that I will lay down that foundation for the first three steps to healing burnout.

[37:16]

So that would be a great next step if you’re like, I want to learn more.

How do we get into this process?

That would be a great next step for you to take a listen to.

So I will leave the sign up for that in the show notes.

And as always, I would love it if you guys left a five star review on Apple and Spotify.

That helps other veterinary professionals hear about this podcast and get the help that they need.

[37:30]

All right guys, I will see you on the next episode.

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