Epi 65:

[00:15:00-00:18:00] Burnout Example #2: The High-Maintenance Client

Yep, it has to be done. And shit might hit the fan, and if you are any of my coaching clients, you've heard me say that a million times.

I swear to God I'm gonna get a shirt with it on it. But sometimes we have to let shit hit the fan in order for things to see that it is not, like, how it's going, this isn't working, right? Because we keep doing the work because we know it has to be done, but inevitably, if the work gets done, especially sometimes leadership and the other person, it just depends.

"Oh, okay, it's done. Is it really a big issue? 'Cause it got done. I have bigger fish to fry. I got bigger problems," right? So that is number one is how do we work with people that aren't doing their job, right? There's ways around that.

Number two, difficult clients. So this, again, could, I could write very many different variations of this story.

But the client that I'm thinking of, I was a doctor at this point, and they were just so high maintenance, and they would ask me a million questions, and they were just really condescending. They suck the life out of you, right? And then when they come in for the appointment, they ask a million things. I say the same fucking thing over and over again, and then they leave, don't do any of the recommendations, and come back in a year for their annual.

So I was like, "What are we doing here?" And, it, they almost had the air about them that they were, like-

I don't know. I'm, I'm thinking to myself like, I have the same conversation 20 times a day with 20 different people and no one else seems to have a problem except for you are just like rehashing this over and over again and what it...

Like, like I think now psychologically looking back, I think a lot of it was they didn't wanna take responsibility for the things that I was making recommendations on because that would mean they would have to A, take responsibility and B, spend the money to do it.

 

---

[00:18:00-00:20:00] When Client Conversations Go in Circles

So there was a little manipulation there.

But anyway, this client, they just talked a lot and they would call before and after their appointment and, "Well you said this," and, "What about this?" And I just wanted to scream like, "You're not fucking gonna do it anyway. Does it matter?" And um, but did I? No, of course not because I was a people pleaser.

And so instead I just internally got frustrated. They would get me on the phone and take forever and a day, right? "What about this?" And I'm like, "Oh my God, my technician's, her eyes are boring into me because she's waiting for me because now we're running behind on appointments 'cause I hopped on the phone thinking it'd be short."

And um yeah, like I, you know, see them on the schedule. You dread it. You see a note on your desk. You dread calling them back.

So Essentially what I would have done different now is, and it felt, my gosh, I wanted to like jump out of my skin if I thought about that back then. But having conversation of like, "Hey, I know I just hopped on the phone with you, um, I only have, you know, five, 10 minutes," whatever it is, "I have another appointment that's waiting.

Is this something that we can address now, or is this something that can wait?" Or being really blunt with some, sometimes with these people, "Hey, I understand you have," in this case, "financial constraints, and you worry. I can make these recommendations, but it's up to you to make the decision." And like wash my hands clean of that, right?

 

---

[00:20:00-00:22:00] Boundaries with Clients and Ownership of Decisions

And I know it- that's easier said than done, but we have been trained that it's almost like disrespectful or rude to say that.

And that I know you've heard me say this before, but I really feel like we're not in the job of convincing people, even though that's what it feels like most of the time.

But when we can educate and move on, that is up to the owner to make that decision. And yes, I get that, we want the best for the pet, but I feel like the cases that I've had where the owners are like, you know, they put it on me, and I'm like, "Well, we really should do X, Y, and Z." And then we do X, Y, and Z, and either it is a test that, doesn't give us the answer, or it's some treatment and it, there's some complications, right?

'Cause that's just how it works. And it's like, fuck, now I res- feel responsible. It's like, no, as a pet owner, they have a responsibility as well.

So in this case, I would have stated those boundaries and really just, like said it for what it was. Like, "Hey, I know that you're frustrated, you're scared," whatever adjective it is "Here's the information I can provide."

Like and we kind of put our foot down of like, you know, we're not gonna continue to talk in circles about the same thing, 'cause we do it every year. And I would never have even dreamed of saying that, because I felt like, that my job as a veterinarian was to convince these people so that they get this thing for their pet, 'cause that is what is best for them.

And we know that, right? But the owners might not feel that way. And and then we do, we end up owning that.

 

---

[00:22:00-00:24:00] Burnout Example #3: Leadership Not Listening

So I would have handled that totally different.

And then the last one is maybe management or leadership not listening, and that can look like many different things. Um, I've worked with some great managers and practice owners, but I've also worked with some that were very green and, and no fault of their own.

They weren't given the right parameters, training, job description to even know what they were supposed to be doing.

So This one example I, I'm thinking of was a was a person that we brought in for a job interview, I think it was like a working job interview, and as a, for a technician job, and I was like the first 15 minutes I'm like, "Absolutely not.

This person has, doesn't know anything." No f- like, I, she's an okay human, right? Like, but this is a job we need, and she is not qualified. And, uh, like to the point that like she didn't know how to use a microscope, but she said she was a CVT. I don't know.

Anyway, oh my God, I could say stories forever, and I know you guys have them, too. But, um, then it was to the point that she w- they hired her. Sure, why not? Okay.

And she worked there for several months, and I was filling in, and so I was doing sometimes surgeries with her, and she was doing anesthesia, and I was like, "Fuck no."

---

[00:24:00-00:26:00] When Poor Staffing Decisions Create Stress

So I would grab my other technician that I was really comfortable with to like oversee her, and my poor technician, like that wasn't fair to her because now she's like getting pulled from rooms to like help set up anesthesia, so she's like in two places at once because naturally I'm anxious 'cause I don't trust this person.

And long story short, sh- yeah, they ended up firing her. Shocker. I'm like, really? So we spent a few months of putting all that time and money and effort into this person. Okay. Anyway, um, no pets were harmed, thank God.

But talk about exhaustion and stress, right? Like our jobs and anyone's job in vet med is hard enough as it is, but to have to babysit on top of that and I know anyone that's been in surgery, especially if you're doing the surgery, that's nerve-wracking enough, and now you're trying to watch anesthesia, and then you're like, "I don't know if this person..."

I can't even tell you how many times this has happened d- in different practices. But anyway, so yeah.

So I, I think that going back, how I would've handled that and handled it differently was that I would have

You know, once I realized that she was on surgery, either we're not doing these surgeries today, and I'm not doing surgery until I'm with a support team member that I'm comfortable with.

And you might be saying, "Okay, y- maybe, yeah, okay," but I can't say that. It's like, my first question is why can you not say that?

---

[00:26:00-00:28:00] Speaking Up Instead of Accommodating Problems

Is that because we have a preconceived notion of what the response is gonna be number one, or number two, we don't wanna ruffle feathers, so we just make do, and/or number three they're not that bad, but there is another person that I know is better, and I prefer them, but I know we're short-staffed today, and I don't wanna call these clients to pick up their pets and tell them we can't do surgery, right?

Like, all those feel really uncomfortable. But ultimately, it's your ass, right? If you're a veterinarian, it is your ass.

You can input whatever similar situation in here you know, maybe management. I, again, I have so many thoughts on this and so many examples f- both from myself and from my coaching clients.

A lot of these are like there is inappropriate training for the support team members, and again, it's... I'm not beating up on support team members. It could be anyone. Introduce this example into any situation, and then management just isn't listening.

But they will start to listen or at least pay attention when things aren't happening like they should.

Maybe the surgeries aren't getting done. Maybe rooms aren't going as efficiently as possible because they put the poor new girl on rooms, and she's only worked ER, and now she's in GP, and she, she's like, "I haven't worked GP since I was in tech school 10 years ago." But they just threw her into the mix, right?

So I, I guess my whole point of all this is that the more we accommodate the things that are frustrating, the more that we are showing that we will tolerate those, and the more likely it.

 

---

[00:28:00-00:30:00] Why Boundaries Matter More Than Complaints

is that nothing will be done, and I know it's a very blanket statement.

But essentially because, okay, yeah, that's a problem, but it's still getting done, so again, it automatically probably gets a little bit lower on our list.

And that depends a lot on management and how the team is trained and managed and all that, that fun stuff. But essentially, I would have handled that very different.

Anyway, okay, so W- when I'm-- what all this is, is boundaries, ri- right? And speaking up for what we need. Because a lot of times we feel so uncomfortable, right?

Like, I felt really uncomfortable doing those surgeries, but-- and I-- but for some fucking weird reason, I felt even more uncomfortable speaking up and saying I wasn't gonna do that, right?

It's like, well, it's gonna be uncomfortable, so which one do you want it to be? And, you know, there are, again, there are ways to address certain things where you're not like, "Hey, I need a different person on surgery."

That's not even the approach that I would give. It's a, "I'm not doing surgery until X, Y, and Z," and now fill in the blank, right? You can read between the lines to know what I'm talking about. I need a, either, experienced or credentialed support team member, whatever it is.

That is a different energy than, like, asking and giving an ultimatum, okay?

And again, we're doing this from, like, a helpful lens of like, "Hey, I'm not okay with X, Y, and Z." Like, how, how else can we work this, right? We're not like, "Listen, management, you don't know what the fuck you're doing. I ain't doing surgeries." Right? Like, it's, it's just there's a different way to approach this.

 

---

 [00:30:00-00:32:00] The Real Source of Frustration and Resentment

So what I want you to see is with all these examples though, they're all the same thing, right? It's dealing with challenging people that put us in difficult situations, and the problem is we are very uncomfortable with asking for what we need because either we have before and it hasn't gone well, or we think we know what the outcome is gonna be and it's not a desired result.

Or we do it in a way that now our hands are tied and we have to do it, right? 'Cause maybe we didn't address it the right way.

So essentially You know, we have to I... and in those situations for myself, like, I had to learn to stand up for myself and address it and set those boundaries. I, in those cases, I would've been waiting around for that tech to do the paperwork herself like she was supposed to.

I would've been waiting for that client who just, I don't know, end up being nice one day and not take forever on the phone. And then I was gonna wait until management just realized that the person they hired wasn't the greatest fit and, put pets at risk.

So are those things gonna happen if I wait around for them? No, there's no guarantee.

So it's really speaking up for what you want, because a lot of times that sense of frustration and that sense of resentment, that comes from not addressing and asking and getting what we need. Now, getting what we need might look a little bit different than the perfect ideal of what we want, right?

And there, there's a lot of nuance to that. But it's now, 'cause I can, I can think of all these three situations where I would go home after work and be bitching and complaining to my family and friends and you know, sharing, like, "Can you believe this happened?"

Except I would then go back to work the next day and internally wanna scream, but I haven't changed anything, I haven't addressed it, I haven't set a boundary at all.

But somehow I'm expecting it to change.

 

---

[00:32:00-00:34:00] Stop Pushing Against the Brick Wall

That is that brick wall, and that is me getting really frustrated because I'm still pushing and pushing and hoping someone will figure it out and then I'll be fine and I won't have to experience that, right?

So none of these situations, like, it's not okay that the coworker wasn't doing her job. It wasn't okay that the client was rude. It wasn't okay that management hired this person and then put them on surgery, right?

But do I wanna sit there and complain that all those things aren't fair, or do I want to change how they affect me?

And that is the huge golden nugget here, right? Because for some people, that may not affect them and may not stress them out. That's why they're called stressors, but they're different for everyone.

Now, the problem, too, is that when we experience situations like that, our brain has had this experience, and now it's like, "Okay shit, I remember that one time that, they hired that new person."

And so now we're, like, on high alert, and our brain is, uh, really good at detecting threats or perceived threats. And so it is gonna be scanning any future experiences for the same thing.

So then we almost become hypervigilant, where we are, like, checking and, like, "Okay, is there gonna be... Is that new person gonna be, like, the same?" And maybe you're, like, not super outgoing with them. You're not really super happy working with this new person who might be fine, right?

It's just 'cause your past experience and that causes more stress.

Or like, ugh, there's someone new that they put me on surgery with. I don't like this, right? That's why people don't do well with a lot of new things. It's because we're thinking back to the previous experiences that we had and thinking it may be the same way.

 

---

[00:34:00-00:36:00] Why Discomfort Doesn't Mean You're Wrong

So even though those conversations would have felt uncomfortable and the boundaries may feel uncomfortable to set, that doesn't mean they're wrong though.

That's what I also want you to realize. Our brain likes to tell us if it's uncomfortable, then we shouldn't be doing it and it, and we're wrong, right?

That's how I felt with the coworker wasn't pulling their weight that, oh, I don't wanna ruffle feathers. This isn't really a big deal, right?

Or the difficult client like, oh, I don't wanna be rude to them. Like the irony of that is funny.

So It's all these things are things we are trying to control, and I will be the first to raise my hand, I am a control freak.

I would say more so a recovering control freak because all these situations we're trying to control something that isn't possible, which is getting this person to do their work, um, may or may not be possible, getting a client to be nice, which may or may not be possible, getting management to listen and, and do what I think is their job, which may or may not be possible.

So no wonder why we're stressed out and frustrated and exhausted and overwhelmed because we're focusing on the things that we don't have any control over and then getting frustrated when they don't go the way we want.

So obviously, yeah, that, that isn't gonna go well for us.

 

---

[00:36:00-00:38:00] What Veterinary Professionals Were Never Taught

So it's these type of situations and challenges, and again, insert whatever variety of these examples that I gave 'cause we all have very similar experiences that are maybe a little bit different, but the same flavor, right? Like I said.

But how do we deal with them? Because we were never trained on how to deal with that, right?

We're trained on the clinical stuff and the information and the education, but we're not trained in this what we call like soft skills and how to deal with this.

So we internalize a lot of that, and that's where our stress comes from.

So I want to, with all of that, it's like, okay, yeah, that makes a lot of sense, and that is part if not all of why I'm so frustrated when I go to work every day or I dread it because we know what we're gonna experience.

And a lot of times the dread is because we know what we're gonna experience, and we know we're not gonna say anything or do anything about it.

And on the flip side of that is maybe you have said something, but nothing happens, and as a result, then you get more frustrated.

And that's why I'm saying there are even different ways to do that. We don't have to--

We're still outsourcing the control to other people.

But knowing how to take control, what control looks like what is in your control, and how to not be frustrated and stressed out and overwhelmed, that is exactly the things that I am teaching in my Vet Your Thoughts group coaching mentorship.

 

---

[00:38:00-00:41:00] Introducing Vet Your Thoughts Group Coaching

This is a six-month group coaching mentorship that is gonna teach you those exact things.

And I'm gonna have trainings, and there is gonna be a lot of there are live trainings and a lot of Q&A sessions to hear your challenges, so I can give you support and guidance.

And then in between our live calls, there is also a community of like-minded veterinary professionals all dealing with the same thing that-

We can give each other support, but I am also in that community during the week to give you support as well in between those calls.

So if you are dealing with some challenges and you're like, "I don't even know how to deal with this," you know, I will be there to give you some of that guidance.

So Vet Your Thoughts is for anyone in veterinary medicine, and this is really designed around your biggest challenges and stressors.

So it's not some cookie cutter course.

This is gonna be designed based on what you are experiencing and what you, and by you, I mean you all in the group, um, of what you want help and support with so that you can turn your brain off when you get home from work.

You don't dread going to work on Monday morning.

You don't dread working with that particular coworker or seeing that one client on the schedule, right?

It is totally doable, and I, I can't wait to support you guys in doing that.

 

---

[00:41:00-00:34:00] Enrollment Details and Final Thoughts

The date that this airs, which is Thursday, the 18th of June, this program is open, but it is closing on Sunday.

And there are only so many spots, and I only open it when there is availability.

So if you are interested, you can DM me on Instagram the word thoughts, T-H-O-U-G-H-T-S, and my Instagram handle is @dr.amberparks, A-M-B-E-R-P-A-R-K-S, or you can grab the link in the show notes here, and you can check it out.

If you look through the program and you're like, "Oh, I still have a couple questions," you can get on a quick question call with me.

It's just an audio-only Zoom call. I'm just there to answer any questions you have about the course, 15-minute call, quick and easy.

Um, but I would love to have you. This is gonna be a great opportunity.

So if you're like, "Okay, I've suffered long enough. I've listened to this podcast many times, but I haven't really done anything, and I don't know where to start," this would be the perfect stepping stone for you to break that cycle of burnout.

So I hope this has helped. I hope to see you in there, and I can't wait to see you guys on the next episode.