Epi 68:

 

[00:00:00 to 00:01:59] Should I Do It? The Hidden Burnout of Over-Functioning

Do you ever get requests or questions during the course of your workday that seem really innocent in the moment, but you're tired, you're stressed, and it just feels like one more thing to do, and you really just wanna say no or come back later? Except there's a tiny voice in your head that tells you, "You know what?

It's just easier, answer it now, or help this person out and do this thing. It'll just be faster if you do it yourself." As innocent as those seem to be, all those little things add up over time, and this over-functioning is a huge component of burnout, and it doesn't feel like it in the moment, which is why it is so tricky.

So in today's episode, we're gonna get into not can I do that? The big question is, should I do that? And I'm gonna share one of my coaching client stories of how we had that conversation, as well as what you can start doing today to break that cycle and stop over-functioning so you can stop being burnt out.

Let's get into it.

Welcome to Stop the Burnout, a podcast for veterinary professionals who love medicine but are exhausted by the people pressure, expectations, and the constant mental load that comes with it. If you've ever thought, "I shouldn't feel this drained doing something I care about," you're not alone, and you're definitely not broken.

I'm Dr. Amber Parks, a veterinarian turned stress and burnout coach, and here we talk about the stuff that no one taught us, like how to actually break the stress and burnout patterns once and for all, and how to stay in this profession without losing yourself. You won't find bubble bath, toxic positivity, or self-care fluff pretending to be the solution here.

Let's get into it.

 

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[00:02:00 to 00:04:59] Why Over-Functioning Leads to Burnout

Welcome back to another episode of Stop the Burnout. Today's topic is something that we all do, and I think veterinary medicine is almost selecting for this in a way, inadvertently, and that is the idea and the concept of over-functioning. What prompted this was a conversation I had with one of my coaching clients.

We were talking about things, and she was describing this thing that she didn't wanna do, but she could do it. It wasn't a big deal was her rationalization. And I did say to her, I said, just because you can do it doesn't mean that you necessarily should. And she paused for a second, and she's "Oh, okay, yes. I see the difference."

Because I think this is a major contributor regardless of what profession you're in, but over-functioning is something that will contribute to burnout, will cause burnout, and it is sneaky because it happens in small little pieces over time that it doesn't really feel like a big deal until we're, like, ready to burst.

And we're gonna go into some examples of that, what it looks like, why we do it, and certainly, how to break that cycle as well.

So a lot of this is something that we learn through childhood, through society. It's that concept of being a team player, and don't be selfish.

And so we get this ingrained in our brain that if we say no, like we don't help out, or we put ourselves first, then we are being selfish, and we almost have to un-train ourselves because I hear from so many of you, and I experience this too, where we want to say no, every part of us wants to say no to whatever it is, but we feel bad.

We feel guilty. And for most of you, if you are feeling that way at work, it doesn't just end there, right? We end up in our personal relationships and having the same thing repeat over again, right?

You could have a friend who's maybe they're more of an acquaintance, and they're like, "Oh, we're going out, for my birthday."

And you're like, "Oh, god, such a production. I'm tired. I'm working that day."

And you're like, "But I feel bad if I say no 'cause I don't really see her that much," right?

That is in every facet of our lives.

 

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[00:05:00 to 00:08:59] Common Ways Over-Functioning Shows Up in Veterinary Medicine

So as far as vet med goes, a lot of times what that can look like is doing things that we feel like we have to do, and even if it...

I'm not even talking like it's your job responsibility. But if you are doing things that you feel like you have to do, but in reality, looking at the bigger picture, you don't necessarily have to. It just feels that we have to.

But the problem with that is determining and delineating what things do I actually have to do and what is more of a, like I can say no to that.

And sometimes that is hard, right? Because those things can look like the same thing in many practices.

But the "I can, right? Like I don't really wanna do this thing, but I can" look like things like help covering a shift.

I saw something the other day online, and it was like, I don't remember where it was, but it was a veterinarian who was calling in sick to work, and they were posting online. They're like, "I don't know if this is normal, but at my work when someone calls in sick, you have to find someone to cover you."

And it's okay, but you're sick, right? It's not like you're taking a vacation day four months from now.

So then is it, are you the receiving end of that person calling and saying, "Hey, I'm really sick today," and this is your day off, "Will you come in and cover?"

Shit, you feel bad because this person's sick. Is this person gonna have to go to work because they're sick? And if I don't help out...

And so I don't know the whole context around that story, but I was like, "That's new." And everyone agreed. That's a little ridiculous.

But I do think it's that type of mentality of feeling bad.

If that person is like really sick and they need to stay home, and you think that you're the rate limiting step to them being able to take the day off or not, yeah, that can feel like a lot of pressure.

Also, you know, a lot of times we wanna obviously help our clients, and the pet owners, and the pets.

And so sometimes it is, "All right, yeah, just put one more on the schedule," or, "That's fine, just have him come in," because it's almost easier to deal with more work, because we're so used to that, and a busier schedule than telling a client no and dealing with the outcome of that, and the wrath of that.

So that is another way that shows up.

"All right, I'll just burden myself so that, right now I don't have to deal with the wrath of this client that's gonna yell, and kick, and scream if we don't see their pet for whatever reason."

Also, another way that I see this come up is with training and mentoring.

So whether that is for support staff or for doctors, that can look like something where, and this happens a lot, where we don't actually have a really solid training program, or we have a solid training program, but we haven't paired this new person with the appropriate training partner, whether that's a technician, it's a doctor.

And so you're kinda left to your own devices of "Yeah, we have this great thing. We want you to be able to do all these things on this list," but we're not really providing either time or support to be able to do those things.

And so if you're asked "Hey, can you help train the new person?" You feel bad. You wanna help them, because you're gonna be working with them, but you're so fucking overloaded that one more thing is going to be the straw that breaks the camel's back, right?

And those are the things that over time will add up.

In fact, one of my coaching clients just shared the story the other day where they have a newer doctor coming in to come on board, and one of the people in management just very much in passing, basically said to her "Yeah. Oh, yeah, that doctor's coming in. Do you wanna be paired with them? Do you wanna help out with that?

Or what are your thoughts?"

What?

That poor doctor coming in, they're gonna be not set up for success, number one, right?

And number two, it doesn't really sound like there's any sort of training protocol.

We're just gonna throw them to the masses, which is hard even if you're a seasoned doctor because flow and all the how things are done at practices, they vary, right?

From practice to practice.

So but I commended her for saying no because she's "I felt bad, but I was also thinking I don't know how this is gonna roll out."

And she's "I'm newer to the profession, so I don't feel comfortable. I'm trying to figure my shit out."

I'm like, "No, that is fair."

What I'm scared about is that they didn't really think of this as a big deal for onboarding this doctor.

 

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[00:09:00 to 00:11:59] Small Yeses Become Bigger Problems

So all that to say, she could have said, "Okay, yeah, sure" because she feels bad, and it's a colleague, and she doesn't wanna tell someone no.

But internally, she's screaming inside because she realizes how much work that's gonna be.

So those are the differences where we know what we wanna say, and then we don't always say no because we feel guilty.

The other part that this comes in is where we say things like, "You know what? I'll just do this myself. It'll just be faster, and I know it'll get done the way I want it, and I'll just do it," which, again, it's a Band-Aid in the moment, but long term, it's not going to serve you because it's just going to be more things on your plate that may or may not be your responsibility.

And again, I'm not talking don't be a team player.

These are the things that I see time and time again in practices where ultimately many different things land on just a few people's shoulders, and they don't say anything until they're literally ready to leave and run out the door as far as not come back as an employee.

Or they just become so miserable that they can't function in their job and their normal responsibilities either.

Another way this shows up is, oh, I just got a quick text from maybe a manager on your day off, and you're like if I just... I should just respond. It'll just be faster. Get it over with," right?

But the problem is we're training people that we're able to be contacted at any time about anything.

So that's gonna be something where these are all boundary settings.

So that's like setting boundaries around your time.

And also, the other part of this is we sometimes will inadvertently, because in the moment we think it's the right choice, we do enable other people.

So instead of either taking the time to train them, which may or may not be that person's responsibility, we enable them because we end up just doing the task for them.

So we just say yes, and, okay, cool, like that person took care of it. I don't have to worry about it moving on until next time, and it happens again, and we're in the same situation, and then everyone just defaults back to you because hey, you're the one who always does this.

And so all of a sudden you're realizing you've piled more on your plate than you really even signed up for.

 

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[00:12:00 to 00:15:00] The Cost of Constantly Saying Yes

This is another way of seeing this happen is, like, when clients call.

And you might be in the middle of crazy appointments, and a client calls, and it's like, "Okay, am I supposed to drop everything right now and take that phone call?

Because I know if I take it now it'll be faster than if I wait," but that's a lot of task switching of going to talk to a client, and you're in the middle of appointments.

So doing the, "All right. I should just take that phone call," but should you?

You're gonna call them back.

Unless it's an emergency, you probably shouldn't be on the phone.

They should be coming to you.

Then why do we feel like we have to accommodate everyone else except for ourselves?

So this is something that, yeah, I do see so much in burnout is it's not just one big, huge thing that happens, and that's why, if you go online recently at all, you can see anything that's related to burnout.

And everyone has their take on it.

Some are like, "It's the workload. It's work. It's the sad cases."

And you know what? Yes, and yes, right?

It's different for everyone.

There are some common themes, but ultimately it's not just one big thing.

It's a bunch of little things that add up.

So it's a bunch of little, "Oh, I can just do that" or, "Sure, no problem" that in the moment, no big deal, but over time there's a little shred of resentment that is there that when we're not dealing with it because we're not really dealing with the situation, we end up ultimately shooting ourselves in the foot somewhere down the road because we feel as though, in the moment it helped and this is what needed to happen.

However, I am now overloaded, and we get frustrated, and sometimes we even snap at other people.

"I have to do all this stuff," and they're looking at you like, "Okay. I don't know why you're upset. You took it on," right?

That's another thing.

But it's managing all these little yeses because ultimately it is like pouring kerosene on a fire, just adding to it, that ultimately over time you're gonna have a huge-ass fire that just doesn't go away.

So all that to say that this over-functioning is really a huge driver of burnout, and it is hard, especially if you are a doctor or a veterinarian where, and I experience this as well, you want to try to not do stuff and not be as hands-on for certain things, but you're like, "Shit, I don't know if you actually know how to do that thing, and now it's my license on the line."

So a lot of times, having that in the back of our mind makes us control freaks because it's just faster and it's easier if we either do it ourselves or we micromanage so much because we wanna make sure it's done correctly.

So that is... That can be challenging because there are certain things where okay, maybe we could just let it go, but then we all know there are situations where you're like this is literally life or death, so I can't just leave this up to chance.

 

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[00:15:00 to 00:18:59] Breaking the Cycle of Over-Functioning

But it's also the other things that are not life or death that definitely add up.

So what is the solution to this?

Number one is really realizing that this is not going to serve you long term.

Because what I find a lot with my clients that I work with and myself, my knee-jerk reaction when I learned about this was number one, they don't know how to do their job, so I'm just gonna do it for them.

Number two, it's something where, yeah, it's just faster if I do it.

That's the other thought process.

Or the third is like we get hung up on, "They should already know how to do this. Why don't they know how to do this?"

And we lose sight of, yes, that's the problem here for some of this, but why do you have to be the one to continually take this on and be the solution and be the catchall for everything?

Because as you've heard me say before, sometimes we gotta let shit hit the fan.

So that can be smaller things that are not life or death, but yeah, maybe you get an upset client because of it.

Maybe a scheduling snafu happens.

I don't even think that's a word. I just made it up.

Or you got double-booked or your day off got messed up and they scheduled you the wrong day or you got the day wrong.

Whatever it is, right?

Sometimes we have to let the problems happen so that we know where we need to focus.

Because when we are saying yes to everything and doing everything, especially if it's coming out of guilt, then we many times are not going to be able to entirely focus on the bigger picture.

So as far as solutions go, number one question we ask ourselves is this really my responsibility?

Solely responsibility.

And I would say many times it's not.

And, hey, there's a spay that you have to do.

Is that your responsibility?

Sure.

Is it your responsibility to place an IV catheter?

Probably not.

Do your support team members maybe not feel comfortable doing it, and so you're like, "I'll just do it"?

So you see how is it my responsibility to make sure that the pet is obviously cared for, taken care of, all that?

Yes, but where the gray area comes in is when we start doing things that we're over-functioning because we wanna have this grip on everything, and that will definitely backfire.

 

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[00:19:00 to 00:21:59] Are You Helping or Enabling?

So ask yourself truly, is this my responsibility?

The second thing is, am I helping or am I enabling and creating a bigger issue somewhere down the road?

So I have a lot of coaching clients that, as we know in vet med, there are a shortage of support team members, and they're not paid nearly what they should be.

So sometimes there are hospitals that have a higher turnover, and I can't tell you, and this is all parts of the country, that the common theme I keep hearing is that technicians are not being trained appropriately, so they're not utilized appropriately, and no fault of their own.

There's just... there isn't a training protocol there.

So what is happening is the doctors are just like, "All right, let me help you take X-rays real quick," instead of having the time to sit and show someone how that works.

But then you can argue is that the doctor's responsibility?

It depends, right?

It depends on where you work and what the expectations are.

So am I helping as far as is this gonna help someone in the future, or am I helping just to rip this Band-Aid off right now and get this thing done that's driving me crazy because I have a thousand other things I need to do?

So asking yourself, am I helping or enabling someone?

The other thing, too, is ask yourself when you do find yourself doing something that you feel is not something that you wanna be doing, right?

Maybe it's that picking up that extra shift.

Maybe it is training new staff that you never signed up for that, and you already feel so overloaded.

 

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[00:22:00 to 00:24:59] What Is This Costing Me?

So when you really want to say no and you feel like you can't, the thing to ask yourself is what is this costing me?

So in other words, maybe it's training a new team member.

That my client, "Hey, do you wanna be part of the training? Do you want her to follow you around?"

That's what it was.

"Do you want her to follow you around?"

And she's "No. It's not that I don't mind her following me around. It's I don't, I'm not gonna have time to walk her through the process, explain everything, essentially train someone."

So if she said yes, then she would ask herself, "What is this costing me?"

It's costing me for sure time, definitely mental bandwidth.

If you've ever had someone shadow you, it doesn't matter if it's a high school student or a new doctor interviewee, it is exhausting.

I actually, I enjoy it, but you really shouldn't have a full schedule of appointments because not only are you doing your regular routine, you're talking probably twice as much and moving twice as fast, but you have half of the resources, I guess I would say, to do that.

Because appointments are gonna keep coming in, that doctor's probably asking questions, that high school student is "What the heck was anal gland expression?"

You're talking about all these things.

So what is that costing you?

It's costing you time, mental bandwidth.

It's costing probably your resiliency to just get through the day.

Especially if you're really burnt out, you're not gonna have a lot of reserves to go above and beyond what you can even... you're at capacity.

So for many of us that when we're burnt out, you're just happy you showed up to work and you made it till lunchtime, right?

But without having a meltdown or running away.

So adding one more thing on, it's costing you those little things.

It doesn't, it's not always a tangible cost, right?

It's not always money.

It's not always actual things.

Many times it's our energy, and that is the fastest way that we get depleted is when we feel guilty for saying no.

But it's a reframe of asking yourself what is this gonna cost me?

If I cover that shift for my coworker, and I was really looking forward to this day off, and I really needed it," it might really cost you to go into a downward spiral.

Because now you don't have a day off, and it's just adding more to your plate.

So it's not being selfish, it's just being aware of what your capacity is, and we all have it.

There's no one that has an endless fucking capacity, even though we like to think that.

 

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[00:25:00 to 00:26:30] Three Questions to Stop Over-Functioning

Okay, so to revisit that real quick, solution is:

Number one, is this really my responsibility?

Really.

Number two, is this helping?

Am I helping out in the moment really quick, or am I enabling that this is gonna be an issue further down the road if we don't figure out why I'm continually getting asked to help with this thing?

And then three is what is this costing me?

Energy, time, your sanity, right?

All those things are possible.

So it is something that we have to look at this big picture because many times when we're... What's the saying?

When we're in the pickle jar, you can't see the label.

Can't see the label when you're in the pickle jar.

 

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[00:26:31 to 00:30:00] Vet Reset Masterclass Invitation and Closing

So what happens is when we go to work every single day, it is really hard to see that Sarah's not doing her job putting charges in, but the bigger problem is why isn't Sarah trained to do that?

And many times it may not be your responsibility that she's not trained, but you're dealing with the consequences of why she isn't trained because then you're putting in the charges, or it's taking her longer, and now you're backed up.

So that's a great example where "Hey, I gotta take this on because it does affect me," and yes, but there are definitely ways to go through that without you having to do your job and their job and train them in the process.

So all that's to say, if you want to go deeper on this, the over-functioning piece is really important.

And on my upcoming masterclass, so guys, it is next Wednesday.

This episode will come out Thursday, July 9th.

On July 15th, it is next Wednesday, there's a free masterclass, the Vet Reset Masterclass.

I've done this one before.

I always get great feedback, so I do wanna offer that again.

So if you missed the last one, get on board with this one.

This particular one too you can sign up right up until we have the masterclass on Wednesday, but you wanna get on here because right now we have 88 people signed up for this masterclass.

Eighty-eight.

So you don't wanna miss out, right?

There's a lot of good, juicy stuff here.

And essentially, I'm gonna go into my three-step formula that I have used and I use with my coaching clients, and we touched on it a little bit today, is this my responsibility?

But I'm gonna give you that three-step formula for really how to break that cycle of chaos so that you can be confident and calm in the moment, right?

We can't always run out the door and do a meditation or a grounding technique.

It's I'm losing my shit now because we're so fucking busy.

How do I get through this?

And that's exactly what I'm gonna teach.

So if you wanna get in there, and like I said, you definitely wanna get in there, it is something you can go on my website, thestressandburnoutcoach.com/masterclass, all one word, M-A-S-T-E-R-C-L-A-S-S, or on Instagram, make sure you're following me, it's @dr.amberparks, and you can DM me the word class, C-L-A-S-S, and I will send you the link and the sign-up for that.

Or you can grab it in the show notes here.

I hope to see you guys.

And last but not least, if you got something out of this episode, I would love it if you shared this with your vet med bestie, and give me a five-star rating for this podcast.

It really does help other veterinary professionals to be able to find this podcast and get a lot of juicy, good details out of it as well.

So I truly appreciate that rating as well.

Okay, guys, I will see you on the next episode.