Epi 69:

[00:00:00 to 00:01:58] Why Burnout Keeps Coming Back 

If you feel like you're stuck in a continuous cycle of burnout, no matter what you do, I want you to know that it doesn't necessarily mean you're doing anything wrong. In fact, you might be doing exactly what you've been taught to do. The problem is that some of the very habits that helped you succeed in veterinary medicine can also keep you stuck in the burnout cycle.

Today, we're gonna unpack what those roadblocks are and more importantly, how to start moving past them. Let's get into it.

Welcome to Stop the Burnout, a podcast for veterinary professionals who love medicine but are exhausted by the people pressure, expectations, and the constant mental load that comes with it. If you've ever thought, "I shouldn't feel this drained doing something I care about," you're not alone, and you're definitely not broken.

I'm Dr. Amber Parks, a veterinarian turned stress and burnout coach, and here we talk about the stuff that no one taught us, like how to actually break the stress and burnout patterns once and for all, and how to stay in this profession without losing yourself. You won't find bubble bath, toxic positivity, or self-care fluff pretending to be the solution here.

Let's get into it.

Hi. Welcome back to another episode of Stop the Burnout.

 

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[00:01:58 to 00:05:52] The Misconceptions That Keep You Stuck

We're talking about the biggest roadblocks that I see in my coaching clients and in all you listeners as well that send me DMs, and I experienced too, that keep us from recovering and healing from burnout. Not only are we gonna talk about them, I am going to share how to move through those so that they aren't blocks for you anymore.

So the idea for this episode came through to me because I see many of you trying to do things that we, and no fault of your own or my own, because this is something that is just out there in the world, that the, you know, solution to burnout is things like changing jobs, just having those hacks of doing more, right?

Productivity hacks. And all these things end up leaving us really still exhausted, tired, overwhelmed, and burnt out.

So I just want you to know, though, there isn't, like, this secret sauce, one big thing that if you learn it, you're gonna overcome burnout. Or, and I, I think it's not like there is one big thing that you can do that all of a sudden turns things around, and then you don't have burnout. That's not the case. And because burnout looks a little different from person to person, that there isn't one big solution. So don't think someone is hiding the solution from you. There isn't one particular way, okay, to do this.

But a lot of these, or all of these roadblocks are because I see our misconception between what we think is a solution and how it should look, and worst case scenario, it doesn't work out that way. Now we're frustrated and overwhelmed.

So that's why I wanted to share this. The biggest takeaway for this, and we'll go into those three roadblocks, is that these are changes and recovery and a healing process from burnout that is not really focused on external circumstances. In other words, these are deeper ways of getting through burnout, and when we can do this type of change, this is where we get our ability to be resilient in the profession.

And I don't mean resilient like you should just be kept treating... You know, people treat you like crap, and that should be fine. That's not what I mean.

What I mean is that the things that used to feel so big and derail you and cause spiraling thoughts for hours on end don't cause that same type of spiraling, overthinking, and analyzing. It gets much shorter period of time until it maybe doesn't even affect you at all.

So think of it this way. These roadblocks and healing from burnout is like if we had a dog with a foreign body, right? Has foreign body, we know it, confirmed it. We all know what that solution is, right?

Depending on where that foreign body is, surgery, endoscopy.

So knowing that there's this dog with a foreign body, we give it pain meds, and we all give pain meds. We want the pet to be comfortable. But do we give it pain meds and then hope that that is gonna take care of things? No.

We would not do that, right?

Especially if we know there's something in there and the dog is having clinical signs.

So that is what I see with a lot of our burnout approaches, is that we keep trying these things, but we're barely scratching the surface, and we're not getting to the ultimate driving force of what burnout is.

So that's like the best analogy that I think. Like, we give the pain meds. It helps. It can feel better in the moment, right? But long-term, what happens? Pain meds wear off. We are right back at square one, and we still have the same problem.

So that's exactly what I see when we are attempting to recover and heal from burnout when we don't know these roadblocks.

 

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[00:05:52 to 00:10:16] Taking Back Your Power

Okay, so starting off strong...

Or actually, before I start, a general disclaimer because all of you maybe that you listen to this podcast, you've probably heard me say this before, but these are roadblocks that I see in my individual clients now, and myself, and all of you.

Now, does veterinary medicine need an upgrade in the systems, the culture, sometimes the people, the processes? You could even throw in there, like, the rigorous internships and residencies. Do we need an overhaul of that? Fuck yes.

Now, I did a post recently on social media because someone... I had a post from a couple weeks before, and someone's like, "Hey, I watched your video because I thought that you were gonna actually tell us how to heal burnout, and instead you just told us that X, Y, and Z is wrong with us, and I'm waiting for the solution, you know, for people to change and for vet med to not be so toxic," or something along those lines.

And I responded and I said, "Yeah, totally agree."

However, I don't wanna sit in, I actually think I said the dirty diaper of misery of burnout because I'm waiting for my work to change, management to change, vet med to change, right? And also, I'm not willing to be miserable in the process of waiting for that change to happen.

So I said, "I agree with you. Those things need to change, but I'm not willing to sit back and just be miserable until they do."

And I would argue that how do we make that change? Well, as individuals, and I truly, fully believe this, it starts with us. We have to demand certain things and set boundaries to essentially teach people how to treat us. And again, that starts with you and I, and it is also something where if we can do that on a collective basis, right, instead of just a few people here and there, when we can do it on a collective basis, that is where we get change.

So to that person's point, yes, I agree with you, but I think that is very much a victim mindset approach to take, and I get that we don't want to be miserable in veterinary medicine, and we know things should change. And I think it's almost like a pissing match in a way because this thing is awful, and these people are doing these things, and they need to change in order for me to feel better.

And I agree in the sense that, yeah, that would be great, but I've yet to ever see that happen outside of vet med, right? If we're waiting for someone to change in order for us to be happy, then we are outsourcing all our power to those people or those systems. So I don't really agree in that respect.

So having said that, this list of roadblocks, so to speak, are coming from a place of empowerment of you as a person to heal burnout regardless of where you're working, what you're doing, and who you're interacting with and who your boss is or who your coworkers are or who your clients are.

So it's not that there's anything wrong with us. It's just that we're upgrading, and we're upleveling, and we are not subscribing to that bullshit and allowing that to dictate how we feel.

Okay?

Okay. Because there's nothing wrong with you and I. It's that these ways that we've been coping and dealing with situations, at some point it served us and it worked, and now it is no longer serving us, so we're doing that leveling, upleveling and upgrading.

 

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[00:10:16 to 00:15:00] Roadblock #1: Trying to Solve Burnout by Doing More

Okay, so number one roadblock that I see so frequently, so frequently, and it kinda pisses me off because there's a lot of misinformation out there.

But that is the roadblock that trying to solve burnout by actually doing more.

So we see this almost everywhere, and I do feel like that has been touted as the solution to burnout is to do self-care. And if you've listened to any of my podcast episodes or my posts online, this is like my biggest pet peeve.

So do self-care. Take time off. Maybe you are changing jobs or changing your role, right? Maybe you were a medical director, now you're gonna be an associate, or you were head tech and now you're a straightforward tech, and, again, we're outsourcing all of our ability to be happy based on how a job or situation will feel hopefully less stressful.

So the problem with this is that it is literally more work because things like, "Oh, here's a productivity hack of how to basically do more in less time and do self-care."

Well, if you're so fucking exhausted after you work 12 hours driving home at the end of the day in complete silence and you are telling yourself that you have to go do 45 minutes of yoga when you get home, who the fuck is doing that?

Even if when you've done yoga it felt good and it relaxed you and you feel better, that doesn't necessarily mean that you even have the capacity to do that when you get home, let alone you've got pets, maybe you have children, you have family, that you're just switching to a different job essentially.

So being, you know, having these things on our list is what adds to more fucking burnout.

And again, I had a post that someone commented on. This person basically said, you know, "In vet med, yeah, you need to be able to get eight hours of sleep." It was almost like I was like, "Is this satire?" Like, I had to read it multiple times.

"Get eight hours of sleep, work out three times a week, move your body, get a hobby."

I'm like, "You've got to be kidding me. This has to be a joke."

And literally that was, like, the best part was that they were like, "No, this is, like, the solution to burnout. It's so easy. You just have to do it."

And I mean, cool if that works for you, but I've yet to meet someone that that actually truly works for them.

So that is just, again, it's more things on your to-do list. It's not that we need to do more. In fact, that's the exact opposite. We need to do less, so changing that mindset that doing more is the solution.

And I will even add on that things like imposter syndrome is very much a part of burnout because it brings up so much mental energy and capacity to process through that, so that absolutely contributes to burnout.

And if you've listened to any of my other episodes, you've probably heard me talk about when I did my American Board of Veterinary Practitioners certification, so ABVP, I thought that doing that certification was going to literally banish my imposter syndrome.

So it was a three-year process. It took a long period of time, a lot of energy, time, and effort, and it didn't banish my imposter syndrome because if you go back, I have several episodes on imposter syndrome, but it's not about learning more, it's about how you perceive yourself.

So again, if you're really having imposter syndrome and you're thinking, "Well, I just need to do all these other things, go to CE, do all these certifications," then you are literally just adding more work to your plate.

And the sad part is the outcome, right? We end up back right where we started from.

So having more to do on your to-do list is not...

We can't outwork our burnout because the reason why we're burnt out is because we're overworking and we're doing too much.

And what happens is that we end up doing so much that we feel like it is our job, we take it on as our job, and we don't really see any other option.

 

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[15:00 to 20:00] Looking at What Is Really on Your Plate 

...we can't outwork our burnout because the reason why we're burnt out is because we're overworking and we're doing too much. And what happens is that we end up doing so much that we feel like it is our job, we take it on as our job, and we don't really see any other option.

So what keeps us stuck is that we're not looking at why do I have so much to do? And I know that seems trivial, and you'll say, "Well, Amber, I've got a lot of shit going on." Yeah, I get it, but many of my coaching clients, when we're talking, they'll express to me certain things. I'm like, "Is that your job? Do you have to do that?"

And there can be things that we like to do, but don't get tripped up on thinking the things that we have to do, we have to do them because we want them done a certain way either. All of these things will keep us stuck in that cycle of burnout.

And a lot of times, we want to continue to do all those things because we maybe are control freaks, and we want to have, you know, bearing over what's gonna... how that's gonna get done, what the results are gonna be because we might be wanting to... And this isn't a very cognitive thought. It's very much subconscious, but we may want to be avoiding judgment from other people, disappointing other people. We're actually people-pleasing because we're helping this person out because we've always done this thing for them.

And inevitably, that is a freight train, excuse me. Like a steaming forward freight train that's going so fast, and we're not putting the brakes on. In fact, we're just pressing the gas harder. So we're adding more work and doing more.

So what is a solution to that? Well, my last week's episode, I really focused on not can you do something, but should you do something.

So truly looking at all the things that are on your plate, especially at work, and seeing if these are truly your job or are you doing them because either no one else will do them, they won't get done.

And also the self-care and, you know, having a hobby, that sort of thing. Not guilting or shaming yourself into doing more to get out of burnout. Like, the recipe for that does not work that way because inevitably what happens is we don't have time for that hobby, or we don't have time to do yoga, or we don't have time to go horseback riding, and then we feel guilty, and then we continually perpetuate those thoughts around, "Oh, I should be doing this thing," or, "I should be doing that thing."

And when we do it from that place, it is not sustainable, and again, it's more things on our to-do list.

So yes, solution is not can you, but should you?

And it is something that I see a lot of times with veterinary professionals who are burnt out, and I will be talking to them and sharing, you know, a different perspective and like, "Is this really your job?"

I'm like something has to stop and change, and it is gonna be uncomfortable, but if we don't make that change, you aren't gonna see the results.

So yes, healing burnout and recovering from burnout is gonna take some potentially uncomfortable conversations or scenarios because the reason why you're not having them already is because they're uncomfortable to have.

So some people want that end result, but they're not willing to have an uncomfortable conversation to get that, so they continually take on that work.

So essentially, this is what will keep us stuck if we don't have that ability to ask ourselves, "Is this really my job? Do I have the capacity to do this right now?" Right? Whether that's in work or out of work.

Because when we feel like, "Well, that's not gonna make a difference, that little thing," well, it won't maybe, but that little thing is gonna show up 100 different ways during the course of your week, and if you are able to deal with it on one little level, then having those other conversations gets so much easier.

So the solution really is, should I do that, and then having those conversations, because I can almost guarantee you, you will continue to stay stuck if you think that you are, you know, just gonna productivity hack your way out of burnout.

And truthfully, if it was that easy, we'd all do it, right? And you probably would have already done it by now as well.

 

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[20:00 to 25:00] Roadblock #2: Mistaking Thoughts for Facts

Okay, moving on to number two.

The biggest roadblock I see is we mistake thoughts for facts.

So this kind of goes off what we talked about in number one, the "I should do this, I need to do this, it's just easier if I do this." These are things I hear so many times from all of you, and I have had these same conversations with myself.

These stories are coming from a place where we have previous experiences, and again, we're probably trying to avoid maybe judgment or upsetting someone or disappointing someone, so they feel like facts because it doesn't even cross our mind that, do we really need to do this thing? Or do we really, you know, have to do this thing?

Well, we haven't even entertained that thought because we know potentially having to not do that thing means having maybe an uncomfortable situation or disappointing someone.

So, "Oh, I should help my team member out and put charges in," or which, you know, fine, go for it. But when all of a sudden you're doing all the charges, your teammate just doesn't bother doing them anymore because they know you're gonna do them, then, you know, is that really serving you?

And that's a fine line between being part of a team and teamwork and over-functioning and, you know, pushing yourself to that capacity.

And to that point, some people say, "Well, it's just charges, just no big deal."

Right.

But how many times a day are you doing that? How many times a week are you doing that? How else are you doing that? Maybe it's not charges, maybe it's updating the controlled drug log and putting in the drugs from the surgery that day, but it wasn't your cases. You weren't the doctor or you weren't even the technician on.

So it's little things like that that add up. And again, they kind of flow off of the first one we talked about.

But yeah, we end up over-functioning, and we do it from a place of gaslighting ourselves into thinking this is what should be done.

So things like perfectionism. "Oh, I'll just do it myself, it'll be faster."

Well, that's great until you have 10 other things to do, and there's one thing someone else can do, but you don't allow them to because you want it done your way.

And I know that that is hard, and a lot of times we're like, "I don't have time to teach someone to do this."

Okay, great.

Again, something uncomfortable has to happen. Either a client waits, this thing takes longer than we expected, gosh, insert whatever scenario is in there.

But if someone gets trained on how to do this, and you train them on how to do it the way you want it done, then next time it's easier, and it's less that you have to be involved, and so on and so forth.

So when we just think, "Okay, I'll just do it," or, you know, "I just need to do this thing, it'll just be faster," yeah, that's great. But we're taking that on as facts, and that is not necessarily the case.

So I had a client recently, and we were talking, and she's talking about potentially leaving the job that she's at.

And, you know, I think that I've heard this from so many of you, but, "I don't wanna leave necessarily right now. They're already short-handed. I would feel really bad leaving them in a mess."

And I said, "That's commendable for you, right? That's nice that you're thinking that way. But let me ask you a question. You don't wanna leave them in a mess, but you're currently in a mess, and they're not helping you."

And she's like, "Oh, that's very true."

So it's that, like, we take that on as a fact, like, "I can't leave them. They would be in a mess," when really maybe that is a fact.

But the other side of the coin is you are also currently in the process of dealing with a mess, and they're not helping you through that process, so having a different way of looking at things.

So again, the solution, though, is similar to number one.

Do you really need to be doing that thing?

Or the other thing to ask yourself is, what am I avoiding by doing this?

That is the big key because if you are avoiding leaving now, like you could leave a job right now because you feel bad, you don't wanna leave them in a mess, are you avoiding leaving them in a mess, or are you avoiding that people might be upset, or people might be angry that you left, right?

We're letting the potential reaction of other people dictate our actions and therefore our result.

So asking yourself really what are you avoiding is very... You might be surprised on what comes up for you.

 

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[25:00 to 30:00] Roadblock #3: Missing Your Own Progress

All right, and the third one, biggest roadblock.

We can't see our own blind spots, and as a result for this, we tend to miss results and progress, and sometimes perfectionism comes in here.

So what do I mean by that?

So I have a client where we were talking about having a conversation with upper management and guiding her along, you know, what that conversation would look like, what it would sound like, how to approach it, and she was all like, "Okay, yeah. Got it."

And then she had that conversation, and then we, you know, talked again and I said, "How did it go?"

She's like, "Uh, not that great."

I'm like, "Okay, tell me about it."

So she told me about it.

And I showed her that you are focused on having this conversation to get an end result that you want, right?

And she's like, "Yeah."

I'm like, "But because the end result didn't happen, you're looking at this as a failure."

And she's like, "Well, yeah."

So I showed her though, having this difficult conversation and bringing the situation up, would you have ever done that before?

And she was like, "No."

I'm like, that is growth.

That is breaking that cycle of burnout because you're not allowing this thing to just continually happen and sweep it under the rug.

So we often miss our results, and for people that are so focused on results and sometimes that external validation, we tend to miss the progress that we're actually making when we're breaking this burnout cycle.

And in that situation, she could've easily said, "This is pointless. I'm not having this conversation again. I'm not asking for what I need or bringing anything up because I didn't get what I needed."

And there were many other parts to this as well, but I showed her, number one, it's your intention to have the conversation and have it. That was huge. You had never done that before.

Second thing is we, and we do this a lot in vet med, we're going through and approaching a conversation, instead of maybe bringing information to the conversation to have a discussion, we bring information in a way that we're like, "It's this, and we need to do X, Y, and Z, and we need to change it and get this end result."

Well, when we're telling someone, doesn't even matter what caliber, you know, supervisor, whatever, when we're telling someone else what we want the results to be and that someone has to do that for us, depending on the context, it isn't always well-received.

So that's where we approach those situations, as a side note, with "I wanna gather more information, let me see where they're at," and approach this at an angle that is mutually beneficial.

That will get you much more traction and get a lot more buy-in.

So to go back to saying, yeah, we tend to have conversations in the sense of wanting to get an end result, and when we don't, we think it's a complete failure.

So a good example is clients. Heartworm prevention, right? We've all had those conversations.

 

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[00:30:00 to 00:33:49] Missing Progress and Mistaking Thoughts for Facts

variables that we're not aware of in situations like that. So That can be a roadblock to healing burnout is when we actually miss, number one, we don't know our blind spots, but number two, we miss the progress we're making.

And so we tend to then, especially if we're so miserable and we want results very quickly, we tend to just throw the towel in. Like, "This is pointless. This isn't gonna happen." And I have to really show some of my coaching clients, like, "Hey, you're making progress. Even if it doesn't feel like it, I can tell.

You are showing up different. You're saying things that you wouldn't have had conversations with before." So the last thing we wanna do is start making changes and then feel like it's not happening fast enough or we're not getting the results that we perceived we should, and then we throw the towel in and say, "Fuck it."

So that, that is the worst thing because we are making progress. But in our mind, if we have it that it is supposed to look a certain way and it doesn't, then we see that as a failure, and that's where things like perfectionism also come in. But same thing for number two, right? We mistake thoughts for facts.

We think it should look like X, Y, and Z, and when it doesn't, then I'm a failure. Very much that, that black and white thinking another example I have of this, I have a client who said... We were talking about having a conversation that is very much warranted on her part, and she said, "Well, I just have to wait until they're in a good mood," i- in order for her to have this conversation with this oth- other person. And I'm like, "Oh, hold on.

Wait one second. What do you mean?" And I shared with her that that is when, you know, when we're saying things like that, we're feeling responsible for other people's reactions and responses to what we have to say. And sometimes, well, many times, that comes from, like, a trauma place where we don't want to upset someone, anger someone, have to deal with conflict.

So we are making it easier in a way for ourselves, but the problem is if it doesn't look like it's a perfect time to have a conversation, then we don't have it, and who ultimately suffers? Well, we do if it's something we wanna bring to the table that is bothering us. So again, that is a great example of we can't see our own blind spots, and we're thinking that this is facts, right?

We have to wait until they're in a good mood. And I shared that the information that she's giving, and she's just really going into a conversation to gather more information, but I shared this is something where you are trying to get- gather more information to know. You're not accusing anyone of anything.

You're not being rude or disrespectful. If someone gets upset because of the questions you ask to gather more information, then there's something on their end that that's on them. And I know it can be challenging and difficult, but again, it's having that different perspective of approaching a situation.

Or sometimes we don't even approach a situation because we've already told ourselves a story of how it is, and we are dead set on that's what it is. So, um, that was a, a great recognition of a pattern that probably shows up in many of us and at work and at home, right? It doesn't, does not necessarily leave...

When we leave the clinic, it doesn't just stop.

 

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[00:33:49 to 00:35:36] Seeing Blind Spots and Setting Boundaries

So the other part of that too is that having someone who can show you those blind spots, but then also coach you through how to, to deal with that and even, like, the tactical skills on how to have that conversation. Because so many of you lovely people say, "I, I'm not good at boundaries. I need to set boundaries.

It's not... I'm not good at upholding boundaries." And I'm like, it's not any of that. We know we need them. It's having that difficult conversation to set them, because we all know, oh, this is uncomfortable. There's a boundary needed here. But that even feels more uncomfortable to have the conversation, and that keeps us stuck.

So having a coach, especially someone, um, obviously, personally, I'm, I'm biased, but having someone in the profession that knows what that looks like and knows what's at stake and how to approach those conversations can be hugely, hugely helpful. So that is a lot of the work that I do with my clients. If you're interested in learning more about what that looks like, you can apply for a complimentary burnout breakthrough session with me. You can grab that application on my website,

thestressandburnoutcoach.com/application, or you can DM me the word apply, A-P-P-L-Y, on Instagram. Make sure you're following me so I don't miss your DMs. My handle is @dr.amberparks, A-M-B-E-R-P-A-R-K-S, or you can grab the link in the show notes here.

 

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[00:35:36 to 00:36:00] Final Thoughts

But I wanted to share this three big roadblocks that I see keeping many of us stuck in over-functioning, overworking, and contributing actually more to burnout than it is to healing.

So I hope this episode was helpful. I would love it if you could give me a five-star rating on your podcast platform of choice, and I will see you guys on the next episode.