Stop the Burnout Podcast

Epi 44:

Burnout & Boundaries (Part I): The Neuroscience of Why Saying No Feels Hard and the Signs You Need a Boundary

If boundaries feel exhausting, uncomfortable, or downright impossible in veterinary medicine (or in life in general!), there’s a reason, and it has nothing to do with willpower or communication skills.

In Part I of this mini-series, we talk about why boundaries are so closely tied to stress, people-pleasing, and burnout in veterinary medicine.

This episode lays the foundation for understanding why saying yes becomes automatic, why guilt shows up when you try to say no, and why most boundary advice fails burned-out high achievers.

This episode also shares veterinary medicine–specific boundaries that can be set, along with how one of my clients regained her time (and her lunch break!) back in her schedule, even when she thought she had no options.

Join us for this info-packed episode that looks at boundaries in a whole new light!

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

[00:00] Why this episode is about understanding patterns, not forcing behavior change
[02:30] Why boundaries have nothing to do with other people
[04:10] How stress responses shape boundary struggles in veterinary medicine
[07:45] Why people-pleasing is often a survival strategy, not a personality flaw
[12:30] How saying yes “because it’s faster than explaining” reinforces burnout
[17:00] The hidden cost of absorbing other people’s stress to keep the peace
[21:00] Why guilt shows up when you try to set boundaries
[27:15] How resentment is often a signal that a boundary needs to be set, not a failure
[32:00] A simple way to start noticing where boundaries are needed

Key Takeaways:

Boundaries are internal parameters, not requests for other people to change
People-pleasing and overfunctioning are often learned stress responses that start in childhood
Burnout makes boundaries feel unsafe, not optional
Guilt and resentment are signals, not character flaws
Awareness is the first step to breaking the cycle

A Truth You Need to Hear:

“If setting a boundary feels hard, it’s not because you’re bad at boundaries. It’s because your nervous system learned that overgiving was safer.”

Links mentioned:

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S2 Epi 44 Transcript: Burnout & Boundaries (Part I): The Neuroscience of Why Saying No Feels Hard and the Signs You Need a Boundary

[00:00]

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Stop the Burnout. Today's topic is part one of a mini series on boundaries. Uh, the word just doesn't even doesn't sound appealing or sexy or, you know, it's something I think we hear a lot about. And what is funny? Not funny. But more ironic is that when I see it used in contexts a lot of times on social media, like, oh, setting boundaries and this and that, it's not really used in the right way. So this episode we're going to like lay the foundation of what boundaries are like, truly what they are, what they can look like for you, why it matters, and really go into a lot of the detail around boundaries, especially giving you really good examples of boundaries, or lack thereof, in veterinary medicine.

[03:10]
So what we'll do is we'll start with the definition, which seems again, really elementary, but it's not something that I think we are all thinking along the same lines, and what I mean by that is like the definition itself for a boundary is that it's typically it's more of like an emotional or mental boundary, if you will, but it limits and or protects your time and energy and emotional and mental capacity and even your nervous system, which we'll talk about too. And that doesn't always get talked about a lot. So we have to think about boundaries as they're more just information and in action.

[06:40]
I bring this up because I saw on social media the other day, someone had posted about, I can't even remember what it was specifically, but it was a veterinarian, and I think a family member had asked them a veterinary question, but it was like totally out of context… and what I thought was funny is that at the end of their explanation of what happened, they said, I just don't get it. Like, do these people not have boundaries?

[10:20]
So boundaries have literally if you take nothing from this episode, boundaries literally have nothing to do with anyone else. They're the parameters that we set for ourselves and again, how we teach other people to treat us. But in essence, it really in relation to us. It doesn't matter if someone else has a boundary or not.

[14:05]
So number one, we want to let go of what we think other people like how they should treat us, especially if we have an outline that, right. So I said before that information and action, that's really what a boundary is. And it's not something where we have to reprimand people.

[17:30]
But why does it matter? And in regards to especially stress and burnout, this is like the bread and butter that I see so much with my clients because we, especially as women, I feel have been programmed to be the nurturers, to be the caregivers, to be those people that are just really helpful.

[22:10]
Now when we have something like chronic stress, that's when our demands are exceeding our capacity. So our demands, whatever that is, that could be work, that could be personal life, and it just is exceeding our capacity to deal with whatever it is in front of us.

[27:00]
So burnout itself does make setting boundaries hard. And why is that? So this is really interesting. And this goes for everything. When we are stressed our decision making goes in the toilet. It goes down. Our logic also goes down.

[31:40]
So you can imagine that if you are at work and you're in a busy veterinary hospital, you've got back to back appointments. All the cases are challenging. Maybe you're short staffed… So you're fucking stressed, right?

[38:20]
So yeah, no shit. No wonder why our decision making is like we can't make a decision at some point. And I know I'm not alone when I say like I would then come home at night and my boyfriend would be like, what do you want for dinner? I'm like, I don't fucking know.

[43:10]
What also happens is that we tend to, when we are in that fight or flight, that survival mode, the amygdala has kicked in. We tend to want to people please, for certain reasons.

[47:50]
So we end up with the mindset of, let me just get through the day, right. Let me just get through the day and I'll figure it out later or I'll make it right later. Uh, side note that later usually never comes.

[51:30]
Let me give you some examples of boundaries in veterinary medicine that I see the most frequent. And it again, I will say this with all the love in my heart, because I have done every single one of these.

[55:40]
So one example is if you are a person that says yes because it's faster than explaining.

[01:00:20]
Another great example of this is a client calls and maybe you talk to them the day before… and then sometimes what has happened is the technician gets on the phone and the client's asking other follow up questions.

[01:07:10]
Here's one more example that I experienced, and I have seen a lot with my clients as well. And that is maybe taking on that extra appointment because another doctor in your practice couldn't keep up.

[01:14:40]
And so what I should have done after the fact is gone to management and said, hey, I have no problem helping… but if this is going to continue, we need to change the system.

[01:20:50]
I actually have a client right now that we've worked together on this, because she kept getting those breaks that she had during the day… those times were getting overrun by walk ins or emergencies.

[01:28:30]
So boundaries are hugely important. They can look like anything. Obviously this is in your career and work, but totally the same story in your personal life.

[01:31:40]
But what I will leave you with is this. Now, as you're going through the next week… ask yourself next time you feel an emotion or feeling that isn't pleasant… is this where a boundary could be set?

[01:36:20]
So just write down any situation, work or personal, that happens that you're feeling that emotion and ask yourself, is this a boundary? Could there be a boundary that can be set around this?

[01:39:40]
If you follow me on Instagram, it's at Doctor Parks… send me a message and I'd love to hear what came up for you. I hope today was helpful for you, and I hope this is like a beautiful foundation for how to set boundaries so that we can reclaim our time and our energy. All right, guys, I'll see you on the next episode.